Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when
they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three
male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the
one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her
at the same time. The males are speechless before her
beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a
glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three
suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them,
"The first one who can use the words
together in an imaginative,
intelligent sentence can go out with me."
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says,
"Oh, how childish," said
the Poodle.... "That shows no
imagination or intelligence whatsoever,"
She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and
says "How well can you do?"
"Um. I HATE
blurts the Golden Retriever.
"My, my," said the Poodle.
"I guess it's hopeless. That's just as
dumb as the Lab's sentence."
She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says,
"How about you, little guy?"
The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and
finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.
He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden
Retriever and the Lab and says ..."Liver
ADVICE TO THE 40 YEAR OLDS - PLUS
Many "Old Folks" (those
over 40, WAY over 40 or hovering near 40) are quite
confused about how we should present ourselves. I don't
want to burst your bubble, but despite what you may have
seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT
go together and thus should be avoided:
A nose ring and bifocals
Spiked hair and bald spots
A pierced tongue and dentures
Miniskirts and support hose
Ankle bracelets and corn pads
Speedo's and cellulite
A belly button ring and
a gall bladder surgery scar
Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
Bikinis and liver spots
Short shorts and varicose veins
In-line skates and a
Thongs and Depends
Please keep these basic guidelines foremost in your mind
when you shop in BEARTOWN.
(REP. Convention see Mystery Page)
George W. Bush today
outsourced the fall election
to a call center in Bangalore, India.
Mr. Bush said that by having all voting and
vote-counting take place in Bangalore, the U.S. will
save up to $3 billion, which could be used to
finance democracy in Iraq.
After votes are tallied, the president said,
customer service representatives at the Bangalore
call center will notify the American people of the
results and also offer them technical assistance for
their notebook computers and wireless devices.
Additionally, the winner of the fall election will
make his acceptance speech simply by pressing
on his phone, while the loser will concede by
But moments after Mr. Bush
outsourced the election, Democratic presidential
nominee John Kerry blasted the decision, arguing
that it would be impossible for a fair election to
be held in Bangalore since Mr. Bush's approval
rating in that city currently stands at 98%.
Mr. Bush's popularity in Bangalore has soared
steadily since taking office as a result of the 9.8
million jobs he has created there.
At one of Bangalore's largest call centers, where
customer service representatives are undergoing a
six-week training program to "sound American,"
worker Rajenda Jamal offered a typical view:
"George W. Bush rules, much
like the popular singer Christina Aguilera, who also
Mr. Jamal's opinion of Sen. Kerry, however, was less
Kerry does not rule at all -- to the contrary, he
Elsewhere, Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge
revealed today that he was
"a metrosexual American,"
"Orange is the new yellow."
" -- WOW-- What a Ride!"
Life is not a journey to the grave with the
intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well
preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly