Bear News Beartown News



Giant Chickens Escape From Local Farm

Giant chickens broke through an ultra strong security fence at the farm of General George Gizmo Zard (see Beartown News 5/1/00) last month, and escaped into the forest.  The chickens, each weighing approximately 600 pounds and standing about six feet tall, "should be considered extremely dangerous", said General Zard.  KFC, the sponsor of the project, has been called in to help capture the escaped superchickens.  The officer responsible, Colonel Sanders, was unavailable for comment.


You can find the missing person by clicking on the link below.


A new medical condition has recently been discovered at Beartown Hospital. It is AAADD - Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it goes... I decide to do the laundry, start down the hall and notice the newspaper on the table. OK, I'm going to do the laundry...
BUT FIRST I'm going to read the newspaper. After that, I notice the mail on the table. OK, I'll just put the newspaper in the recycle stack...
BUT FIRST I'll look through the pile of mail and see if there are any bills to be paid. Yes. Now where is the checkbook? Oops... there's the empty glass from yesterday on the coffee table. I'm going to look for that checkbook...
BUT FIRST I need to put the glass in the sink. I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice my poor flowers need a drink of water, I put the glass in the sink and there's the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter. What's it doing here? I'll just put it away...
BUT FIRST I need to water those plants. I head for the door and... Aaaagh! stepped on the cat. Cat needs to be fed. Okay, I'll put the remote away and water the plants...
BUT FIRST I need to feed the cat.
END OF DAY: Laundry is not done, newspapers are still on the floor, glass is still in the sink, bills are not paid, checkbook is still lost, and the cat ate the remote control... And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because... I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY!  I realize this condition is serious... I'll get help...
BUT FIRST... I think I'll check my e-mail.


Beartown University
(new Fall Course)

      MANAGEMENT 101
Lesson Number One
A crow was sitting on a tree. Doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested.
All of a  sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson Number Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I  haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with Nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of
S and found that it actually gave  him enough strength to reach the first branch of the  tree. The next day,  after eating some more S, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the Tree.
Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Management Lesson:
BS might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson Number Three
A little bird was flying south for the winter.   It as so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying  there, a cow came by and dropped some S on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow S, it began to realize how warm it was.  The S was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow S, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
Management Lesson:
1) Not everyone who drops S on you is your enemy
2) Not everyone who gets you out of
S is your friend
3) And when you're in deep
S, keep your mouth shut

Did somebody say Beartown?


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