SEPTEMBER 1, 2000

NEWS

FAIR TIME

You can be an expert gardener but do you have what it takes to win ribbons at the Fair? It is time to act like a politician and use some showmanship to reap your rewards. Judges will consider five characteristics.
UNIFORMITY Find out how many of each type of vegetable entered you will need. The larger the vegetable, the fewer the number. Try to keep specimens alike in size, color, and shape. The more the number, the less important this becomes. Identical green beans would be like looking for identical snowflakes.
DISEASE or INJURY Avoid scab, tunnels by wireworms, rotten spots, and dings.
TRUENESS to TYPE Is the carrot a Chantenay or a Danvers: the cabbage a Jersey Wakefield or a Flat Dutch?
QUALITY For example, zucchini squash should still have fine hairs on them and all entries should look delicate and delicious.
DISPLAY There are infinate ways to arrange your produce. Just shift them around until you have given them the artistry that will carry them on to victory!

CHURCH NOTES

Sept 10 at 7 PM Ice Cream Social. All ladies giving milk please come early.

Sept 14 at 7 PM The Ladies Aid Society will meet and Mrs. Smith will sing 'Put Me in My Little Bed' accompanied by the minister.

Sept 19 at 7 PM There will be a meeting of the Mother's Club.All those wishing to become little mothers please meet with the minister at 7 PM.

Sept 29 at 7 PM This evening there will be a meeting in the north and south ends of the church. The children may be baptized at both ends.

Did somebody say Beartown?

POTATOES!

John Tuber of Lost Hollow Road drove his wagon into town in late August to show off his large potatoes. He only brought along a half dozen but they certainly conveyed the message of "large potatoes". John feels the enormous growth is due to all this summer's rain and the high amount of limestone in the soil.
The cooking process must be altered in preparing these spuds for the dinner plate. Obviously they must be cut into much smaller pieces with a crosscut saw. Then the chunks may be placed in a pot without water and boiled. They apparently release enough water to boil themselves and one potato will only feed a family of eight to ten.

INSECTS

Insects also tended to grow larger during this summer's continuous rain. It is hoped that no new diseases will develop but just in case, new names have already been selected such as West Battenkill Flu and Limestone Disease. Shown below is a flea that Mr. Gredt's cat was found on.

DON'T LET HISTORY REPEAT ITSELF

It is never too late to educate a flatlander, or at least try. We do not need a repeat of last year's deer season here in Beartown.
If you don't recall, a flatlander came here with lots of money to spend and he was a goin' huntin'. BUT HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOIN'.
Clem, down to the store sold him a .308 for $500. Then he asks Clem to load the gun for him cause he doesn't know how. So Clem loaded it and off he went huntin'. A few hours later a big crowd gathers at the store. The flatlander's back with a big brown animal with horns tied to the top of his car and just a smilin' and a wavin'. The people are just a laughin' and a holdin' their sides.
"That ain't no deer you shot. That there's a goat." Clem says.
"Oh, really?" says the flatlander, "Well it's got a good rack. I think I'll have it mounted."

Woman hunter, about to fire, to husband: Of course I heard it moo -- why shouldn't a moose moo?"
Woman talking on phone: "Al had good luck on his hunting trip -- he got back alive!"