Bear News Beartown News

AUGUST 1, 2008



A man owned a small farm in Kansas. The Dept. of Labor claimed he was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent a representative out to interview him.
'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the rep.
'Well,' replied the farmer, 'there's Andy my farmhand, who's been with me for 13 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there’s Daisy the dairymaid – she’s been here for 18 months and I pay her $150 a week plus free room and board.'
'Is that all?' asks the rep.
'No . . . . there's also the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $20 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whisky every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.'
'That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit,' says the agent.
'That would be me,' replied the farmer.

A $50 Lesson

 **I recently asked my friends' little girl what she wanted to be when she  grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day.
 Both of her parents,
  liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, '
If you were President what would be the first thing you would do? '  **
 She replied,
'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.'
 Her parents beamed.
Wow...what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'But you don't have to wait until
 you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house. '
She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked  me straight in the eye and asked,
' Why doesn't the homeless guy come
 over and do the work, and
  you can just pay him the $50?
I said, '
Welcome to the Republican Party.'
Her parents still aren't speaking to me.*


Don't forget to mark your calendars. As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked. He must commit suicide if he does. So next Saturday at 4 PM Eastern Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort. All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Muslims and to demonstrate they think its okay to see nude women other than their wife and to show support for all American women. Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Muslim sentiment. The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity.






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