Bear News Beartown News

August 1, 2006



Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.

The first patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week. 

    The second sees his family doctor after waiting a week for an appointment, then waits eighteen weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another month and finally has his surgery scheduled for a year from then. 

    Why the different treatment for the two patients? 

    The first is a Golden Retriever. The second is a Senior Citizen.


Budweiser and Coors decided to have a taste-off to determine once and for all whose beer had more flavor.
They took a cold pint of each to a scientist known the world around for having a palate as delicate as a gas chromatographic machine.
The scientist takes a sip of each beer and swishes the beverage around on his mouth then picks up his notebook and begins to write.
The participants, eager to know who won say
: "Oh just tell us what you think!"
The scientist replied "Both horses have DIABETES!!!"



Roadside groundhog feet in the air
The meat's real tough but we don't care
Steel belted radial across his face
Don't worry 'bout the meat it won't hurt the taste
Pressure cook the pig for an hour real hard
Add two dill pickles and a handful of lard
Put in crushed red peppers ground real fine
Let it set for a month in a salt water brine
Take it out and slice it and put it on some bread
Eat a groundhog hoagie before you go to bed

From Gourmet style Road Kill Cooking by Jeff Eberbaugh


STATELINE, Nev. (AP) -- A bear cub drew a crowd of spectators at a Lake Tahoe neighborhood as it munched on barbecue-chicken-and-jalapeno pizza in the back seat of a vintage red Buick convertible.
It also apparently washed it down with a swig of a Jack Daniel's mixer, an Absolut vodka and tonic, and a beer taken from a cooler, the vehicle's owner said.
About 30 people watched the cub lumber around a parking lot in upper Kingbury Grade on Sunday before it homed in on the Buick and the spicy pizza on the floor.
The bruin was unfazed by the car's horn the blew nonstop as the cub pressed the seat into the steering wheel.
''The bear was loping along in the parking lot and then decides to get inside the car,'' said resident Jerry Patterson.
''People were screaming at him, the horn was going off, but he was completely unaware. He did what he wanted to do and the people didn't matter.''
The bear remained inside the 1964 Buick Skylark for about 20 minutes and at times put his paws on the dash as if he were holding on for a ride, Patterson said.
The owner of the car, David Ziello of South Lake Tahoe, said the bruin didn't cause any damage, but slopped cheese and jalapenos on the seats and floor.
Carl Lackey, a biologist with the Nevada Department of Wildlife, said up to two dozen bears live in the Kingsbury region near the south shore of Lake Tahoe.
The residential area sees more of them because the bears have found a primary source from Dumpsters and people who leave their food and trash in the open, said Lackey, who tracks and relocates bears on the Nevada side of the Tahoe basin.
Lackey warned visitors and residents against keeping food inside their vehicles.
''When you are in bear habitat, regardless of the time of year, you cannot leave any kind of food out -- whether it's food inside the car, trash inside or outside your car, or pet food,'' Lackey said.
''Bears will find it and in doing so, it is increasing your chances of serious conflict.''


Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
This site hosted by