NEWS
MEDICINE in the U S A
Two patients limp
into two different medical clinics with the same
complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to
require a hip replacement.
The first
patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the
same day and has a time booked for surgery the
following week.
The second sees his family doctor after waiting a
week for an appointment, then waits eighteen weeks to
see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't
reviewed for another month and finally has his surgery
scheduled for a year from then.
Why the different treatment for the two patients?
The first is a Golden Retriever. The second is a
Senior Citizen.
BEER TASTE TEST
Budweiser and Coors decided to
have a taste-off to determine once and for all whose
beer had more flavor.
They took a cold pint of each to a scientist known the
world around for having a palate as delicate as a gas
chromatographic machine.
The scientist takes a sip of each beer and swishes the
beverage around on his mouth then picks up his notebook
and begins to write.
The participants, eager to know who won say:
"Oh just tell us what you
think!"
The scientist replied
"Both horses have
DIABETES!!!"
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RECIPE
GROUNDHOG HOAGIES
Roadside groundhog feet in
the air
The meat's real tough but we don't care
Steel belted radial across his face
Don't worry 'bout the meat it won't hurt the taste
Pressure cook the pig for an hour real hard
Add two dill pickles and a handful of lard
Put in crushed red peppers ground real fine
Let it set for a month in a salt water brine
Take it out and slice it and put it on some bread
Eat a groundhog hoagie before you go to bed
From
Gourmet style Road Kill Cooking
by Jeff Eberbaugh
BEAR CUB
STATELINE, Nev. (AP)
-- A bear cub drew a crowd of spectators at a Lake
Tahoe neighborhood as it munched on
barbecue-chicken-and-jalapeno pizza in the back seat
of a vintage red Buick convertible.
It also apparently washed it down with a swig of a
Jack Daniel's mixer, an Absolut vodka and tonic, and
a beer taken from a cooler, the vehicle's owner
said.
About 30 people watched the cub lumber around a
parking lot in upper Kingbury Grade on Sunday before
it homed in on the Buick and the spicy pizza on the
floor.
The bruin was unfazed by the car's horn the blew
nonstop as the cub pressed the seat into the
steering wheel.
''The bear was loping along in
the parking lot and then decides to get inside the
car,'' said resident Jerry Patterson.
''People were screaming at
him, the horn was going off, but he was completely
unaware. He did what he wanted to do and the people
didn't matter.''
The bear remained inside the 1964 Buick Skylark for
about 20 minutes and at times put his paws on the
dash as if he were holding on for a ride, Patterson
said.
The owner of the car, David Ziello of South Lake
Tahoe, said the bruin didn't cause any damage, but
slopped cheese and jalapenos on the seats and floor.
Carl Lackey, a biologist with the Nevada Department
of Wildlife, said up to two dozen bears live in the
Kingsbury region near the south shore of Lake Tahoe.
The residential area sees more of them because the
bears have found a primary source from Dumpsters and
people who leave their food and trash in the open,
said Lackey, who tracks and relocates bears on the
Nevada side of the Tahoe basin.
Lackey warned visitors and residents against keeping
food inside their vehicles.
''When you are in bear
habitat, regardless of the time of year, you cannot
leave any kind of food out -- whether it's food
inside the car, trash inside or outside your car, or
pet food,'' Lackey said.
''Bears will find it and in
doing so, it is increasing your chances of serious
conflict.''
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