NEWS
BEARTOWN
COURT
Judge: You
are here to get a divorce?
Farmer: Yea, I want
to get one of them dayvorces.
J: Well, do you
have any grounds?
F: Yea, I got about
200 acres.
J: No, you don't
understand, do you have a case?
F: No, I don't have
a Case, but I do have a John Deere.
J: No, you don't
understand, I mean do you have a grudge?
F: Yea I got a
grudge. That's where I park my John Deere.
J: No sir, I mean
do you have a suit?
F: Yes sir, I got a
suit. I wear it to church on Sundays.
J: (exasperated)
Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?
F: No sir, we both
get up about 4:30.
J: Okay, let me put
it this way. WHY DO
YOU WANT A DIVORCE?
F: Well, I can never have a
meaningful conversation with her.
NEW
COUNTRY WESTERN SONGS
I Keep
Forgettin' I Forgot About You
I Still Miss You
Baby but My Aim is Gettin' Better
Her Teeth Were
Stained but Her Heart was Pure
Please Bypass This
Heart
My Wife Ran Off
With My Best Friend, and I Sure Do Miss Him
Mama Get a Hammer,
There's a Fly On Papa's Head
I Don't Know
Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling
Did
somebody say
Beartown?
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HORSE RESCUE
Farmer Jones's horse fell down into an old
well. The animal whinnied for hours as the farmer tried
to figure out what to do,
Finally he decided the animal was old and the well needed
to be filled in anyway, so he invited all his neighbors
over to assist him. They all grabbed shovels and began to
shovel dirt into the well.
At first, the horse realized what was happening and began
to loudly whinny once again. Then, to everyone's
amazement, he quieted down. A few minutes later, the
farmer looked down into the well and was astonished at
what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that hit his back,
the horse was doing something amazing. He would shake off
the dirt that hit his back and take a step up. As the
farmer's helpers continued to shovel dirt on top of the
animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.
Pretty soon, the horse stepped over the edge of the well
and trotted away.
MORAL:
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt.
The trick to getting out of the well, is to shake it off
and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping
stone. We can get out of the deepest well, just by
stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step
up!
TOO MUCH
Government & Bureaucracy
Pythagorean theorem: 24 words
The
Lord's Prayer: 66 words
Archimedes'
Principle: 67 words
Ten
Commandments: 179 words
Gettysburg
Address: 286 words
Declaration
of Independence: 1,300 words
U. S.
Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911
words
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