AUGUST 1, 2000

NEWS

HOOPSNAKES

You don't see a lot of 'em nowadays, but there used to be enough of 'em around. About eight feet long and came in three colors: orange, green, or yellow with blue dots. Color depended on the kind of whisky the storyteller had been drinking. Anyway,they had this barb or stinger at the end of their tail with the deadliest poison in it. Why, if a hoopsnake stung a big ole oak tree, the leaves would all turn brown and the tree would die right there on the spot.
Course, when they got mad the hoopsnakes would just roll up in a hoop like a wheel of a bike by takin' their barb in their mouth. They'd just come rollin' after you that way.
Well, one day this farmer is out hoein' his field when he looks down a row of corn, and there is one rollin' right at him. He's so scared he can't move. All he's got between him and the snake is that hoe handle; when the hoopsnake unrolls and comes flyin' at him like a spear, the farmer holds up the handle and the barb sticks right into it.
Well, the farmer dropped the hoe and just ran on home. He came back around dusk - real careful.
There was the hoopsnake lyin' dead with its barb still in the hoe handle. Now the poison was all drained out of the snake. But the hoe handle had swelled to the size of a huge log. The farmer hauled the log to a sawmill and had it cut into planks, beams and boards. Built a whole house out of that wood.
Then it rained so hard trout were swimmin' by the windows. Farmer woke up in the morning all wet with no roof at all over his head - just a lot of little toothpicks all over him. Seems that rain had washed all the poison out of those logs. They just shrunk back to nothin'.

CHURCH NOTES

Did somebody say Beartown?

Looking Back

From MA:
Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shaped pancakes every time.
To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard-boiling.
To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room temperature and roll them under your palm against the kitchen counter before squeezing.
If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant fix.

From Grandma:
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces. Alka Seltzer will:
Clean a toilet. Drop in 2 tablets wait 20 minutes, brush and flush.
Polish jewlery. Put 2 tablets in a glass of water and add jewlery for 2 minutes.
Unclog a drain. Put 3 tablets down drain followed by a cup of white vinegar, wait a few minutes and run hot water.

From Greatgrandma:
Potatoes will take food stains off your fingers. just slice and rub raw potato on the stains and rinse with water.
To get rid of the itch from mosquito bites, try applying soap on the area and you will experience instant relief.
Ants are said to never cross a chalk line. Draw a line wherever ants tend to march and see for yourself.
To keep potatoes from sprouting, place an apple in with the potatoes.
Place a slice of apple in hardened brown sugar to soften it
When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar to help bring out the corn's natural sweetness.
To determine whether an egg is fresh, immerse it in a pan of cool, salted water. If it sinks. its fresh, but if it rises to the surface, throw it away.

Facts

Reindeer like to eat bananas.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.
'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with the left hand.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver and purple.