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![]() JULY 1, 2004 |
BEARTOWN POLICE REPORT
An honest man
is being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on Main Street.
Suddenly the light turns yellow just in front of him. He
does the right thing and stops at the crosswalk, even
though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating
through the intersection.
The tailgating woman hits the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she misses her chance to get through the intersection with him. As she is still in mid-rant, she hears a tap on her window and looks up into the face of a very serious Beartown police officer. The officer orders her to exit her car with her hands up. He takes her to the police station where she is searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approaches the cell and opens the door. She is escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer is waiting with her personal effects. He says, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him." "I noticed the "Choose Life" license plate holder, the "What Would Jesus Do" bumper sticker, the "Follow Me to Sunday School" bumper sticker, and the chrome plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk." "Naturally I assumed you had stolen the car." HOT LINE
An elderly lady called her telephone
company to report
that when her friends called, her phone usually failed to
ring. On the occasions when it did ring, her dog, who
was tethered in her yard, always moaned right before |
HYMNS for ALL THINGS The Dentist's Hymn:.....................Crown Him with Many Crowns The Weatherman's Hymn............There Shall Be Showers of Blessings The Contractor's Hymn:...............The Church's One Foundation The Tailor's Hymn:................Holy, Holy, Holy The Golfer's Hymn:...................... There's a Green Hill Far Away The Politician's Hymn:................. Standing on the Promises The Optometrist's Hymn:..............Open My Eyes That I Might See The IRS Agent's Hymn:............I Surrender All The Gossip's Hymn:......................Pass It On The Electrician's Hymn:............Send The Light The Shopper's Hymn:..........Sweet By and By The Realtor's Hymn:......................I've Got a Mansion, Just Over the Hilltop The Massage Therapists Hymn.....He Touched Me The Doctor's Hymn:..................... The Great Physician ======= AND for those who speed on the highway - a few hymns: -----45mph.........God Will Take Care of You -----55mph....................Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah -----65mph.............Nearer My God To Thee -----75mph....................Nearer Still Nearer -----85mph.......This World Is Not My Home -----95mph..............Lord, I'm Coming Home -----Over 100mph........Precious Memories ====== Give me a sense of humor, Lord, Give me the grace to see a joke, To get some humor out of life, And pass it on to other folk.
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Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All
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