Bear News Beartown News

JULY 1, 2000



The annual last day of school picnic was hosted by the best weather so far this year. There was plenty of food and merriment for all the students.

All participants joined in the many organized activities. A camera was generouly loaned by a well respected Beartown resident. It is hoped the pictures will be developed soon and that the camera is not beyond repair.

As the day grew warmer, the playfulness of the young ones increased and ALL the food disappeared. Several new games were invented; some to the dismay of the now tired chaperones. These youngsters would certainly receive notoriety of some type during there lives. The picnic was more like a circus.

Eventually the adults let go of the traditional institutional rules and joined in the now wild celebration. The principal got the idea of using a hose to create some new games. By the time the busses arrived everyoue was soaked. It is doubtful that this LAST DAY celebration can ever be improved upon!

Backwoods Justice

Years ago the elected Justice was just an ordinary citizen who was unlucky enough to receive the most write in votes for the office. One such official used to consult what appeared to be a law book, but it was really a mail-order catalogue.
One day a young man was hauled in front of the Justice on a charge of drunkenness. The Justice heard the evidence and then, after opening the book and glancing at it, fined the lad $2.89 to be worked out on the roads at twenty-five cents a day.
As the young man was leaving he said to the Constable "I'm sure an unlucky man."
"Unlucky nothing," replied the Constable. "If the Justice had happened to open that book to automobiles instead of pants you'd be working on the road the rest of your life."

Did somebody say Beartown?


The lawsuit brought by the resident that allegedly stepped in a hole in front of the General Store and broke his leg has finally been settled. Damages had been set at $100,000 but the town had appealed to the Supreme Court. The judgement was reduced to $50,000.
After the decision and settling the claim; the lawyer sent for his client and handed him a dollar.
"What's this?" asked the man.
"That's your damages, after taking out my fee, the cost of appeal, and several other expenses." said the attorney.
The man looked at the bill. "What's the matter with the dollar?" he asked. "Is it bad?"

Looking Back

Them's pa's pa and ma, grampa n' gramma Caldwell. Jist look at her feet! All her folks toes in - even pa, some, but he denies it. Grampa's got a turribul temper. Onct he was up in a tree a-sawin' out limbs and a little branch scratched him onto his head and he turned round quick's a wink, a-snarlin', and bit it right smack off. Fact!


The month when children slam the doors they left open all winter.

When you ride bumper to bumper to get to the beach where you sit the same way.

The kind of weather where everything that is supposed to stick together comes apart,and everything that is supposed to stay apart sticks together.


Town Representative

When Horace Downing was 80 years old and had sold all his milkers he spent several years of his retirement as the Beartown representative to Montpelier. Within the first few days of the session Horace was invited to a banquet honoring a US Senator.
The first course was consomme. Our representative was puzzled but consumed it. Next some one passed him a bunch of celery. He ate it. Then a waiter put a broiled lobster in front of him. This was just too much and Horace stood and announced "Gent'men, I drunk the dishwater and I et the bouquet. But I'll be durned if I eat this bug. Take'er away."

Pickle barrel sign: DILLICIOUS!


Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
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