NEWS
COUNTRY FUNERAL
As a young minister in Beartown , I was
asked by a funeral director to hold a grave-side service for a
homeless man, who had no family or friends. The funeral was to be
held at a new cemetery way back in the country, and this man would
be the first to be buried there.
I was not familiar with the backwoods area, and I soon became
lost. Being a typical man, I did not stop to ask for directions. I
finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the open
grave, but the hearse was nowhere in sight. The digging crew was
eating lunch. I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and I
stepped to the side of the open grave. There I saw the vault lid
already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them up
for long, as I told them that this was the proper thing to do.
The workers gathered around the grave and stood silently, as I
began to pour out my heart and soul. As I preached about
'looking forward to a brighter tomorrow'
and 'the glory that is to come,'
the workers began to say 'Amen,' 'Praise the
Lord,' and 'Glory!' The fervor
of these men truly inspired me. So, I preached and I preached like
I had never preached before, all the way from Genesis to
Revelations.
I finally closed the lengthy service with a prayer, thanked the
men, and walked to my car. As I was opening the door and taking
off my coat, I heard one of the workers say to another,
'I ain't NEVER seen nothin' like that
before, and I've been puttin' in septic tanks for thirty years!'
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RECIPES
FISH
Since early times, fish has been an important part
of the food supply of Americans. A fish is in good
conditions when the eyes are bright, the gills a
bright clear red, scales shiny, the flesh firm and
when it is free from a disagreeable odor. Fish may
be baked, fried, boiled, steamed, broiled and it
makes a delicious soup.
From
Gourmet Style Road Kill Cooking
by Jeff Eberbaugh
OVERHEARD at the AIRPORT
A BEARTOWNTONIAN gets on a plane and finds himself
seated next to an Indian. He immediately turns to
the Indian.
"You
know,"
he says,
"I've heard that flights will go quicker if you
strike up a conversation with your fellow
passenger. So, hey, let's talk!"
The Indian, who had just opened his book, closes
it slowly and says,
"OK,
so what would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know,"
says the American, grinning.
"How
about nuclear power?"
"OK,"
says the Indian.
"That
could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you
a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all
eat the same stuff -- grass. Yet the deer excretes
little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty,
and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why
do you suppose that is?"
The American guy is dumbfounded. Finally he
replies,
"I haven't the slightest idea."
"So
tell me,"
says the Indian slowly,
"How
is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear
power when you don't know shit?"
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