Bear News Beartown News

JUNE 1, 2008



     As a young minister in Beartown , I was asked by a funeral director to hold a grave-side service for a homeless man, who had no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a new cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be buried there.
    I was not familiar with the backwoods area, and I soon became lost. Being a typical man, I did not stop to ask for directions. I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the open grave, but the hearse was nowhere in sight. The digging crew was eating lunch. I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and I stepped to the side of the open grave. There I saw the vault lid already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, as I told them that this was the proper thing to do.
    The workers gathered around the grave and stood silently, as I began to pour out my heart and soul. As I preached about 'looking forward to a brighter tomorrow' and 'the glory that is to come,' the workers began to say 'Amen,' 'Praise the Lord,' and 'Glory!' The fervor of these men truly inspired me. So, I preached and I preached like I had never preached before, all the way from Genesis to Revelations.
    I finally closed the lengthy service with a prayer, thanked the men, and walked to my car. As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I heard one of the workers say to another, 'I ain't NEVER seen nothin' like that before, and I've been puttin' in septic tanks for thirty years!'



Since early times, fish has been an important part of the food supply of Americans. A fish is in good conditions when the eyes are bright, the gills a bright clear red, scales shiny, the flesh firm and when it is free from a disagreeable odor. Fish may be baked, fried, boiled, steamed, broiled and it makes a delicious soup.

From Gourmet Style Road Kill Cooking
by Jeff Eberbaugh


A BEARTOWNTONIAN gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to an Indian. He immediately turns to the Indian.
"You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So, hey, let's talk!"
The Indian, who had just opened his book, closes it slowly and says,
"OK, so what would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," says the American, grinning. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," says the Indian. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -- grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"
The American guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies,
"I haven't the slightest idea."
"So tell me," says the Indian slowly, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"



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