Bear News Beartown News

JUNE 1, 2006


NEWS

CENSUS

A census taker in a rural area went up to a farmhouse and knocked.  
When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages.  
She said, "Les' see now, there's the twins, Sally and Billy, they're thirty-two.  
And the twins, Seth & Beth, they're twenty-six.  
And the twins, Penny and Jenny, they're twenty-four ... "
 
"Hold on!" said the census taker, "Did you get twins EVERY time?"  
The woman answered,
" Heck no, there were hundreds of times we didn't get nothin."


MEXICAN BOYCOTT

On May 1st, as a result of the Mexican boycott, national retailers reported 4.2% lower sales for the day, with a 67.8% reduction in shoplifting.


VIAGRA

I knew it...... I knew it! I knew they would
finally release the  ingredients in
Viagra! 


3% Vitamin E
2% Aspirin
2% Ibuprofen
1% Vitamin C
5% Spray Starch
87% Fix-A-Flat


INTERNAL CONFLICT


One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said:
“My son, the battle is between two wolves. Inside one is evil....it's anger; envy; jealousy; sorrow; regret; arrogance; self-pity; guilt; resentment; inferiority; lies; false pride; superiority; and ego. The other is good. It's joy; peace; love; hope; serenity; humility; kindness; benevolence; empathy; generosity; truth; compassion and faith.”

 The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked the grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

 The old Cherokee simply replied: "The one you feed."

RECIPE

COUNTY ROAD 20 COTTONTAIL BUNNY

On a moonlight night's when they're mashed the most
So forget your fried eggs and your bacon and toast
Slop all the hogs and wake up the chickens
Get your mama out of bed to prepare all the fixins
Take down the road with your stick and a spoon
With any luck at all you can be home by noon
Rip off the hide it's real easy to tear
Then stitch up some mittens that are warm to wear
The best thing about it there's no waste at all
You'll find some ready - made luck there on every paw
You can make it all sour or make it real sweet
Or throw some cayenne pepper on your cottontail meat
If you get real lucky and you find a few
Make some country road casseroles or cottontail stew
From Gourmet style Road Kill Cooking by Jeff Eberbaugh


HILLARY'S NEW INDIAN NAME

Senator Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of
the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upper New York State. She spoke for almost an hour on her future plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living should she one day become the first female president. She referred to her career as a New York Senator, and how she had signed "YES" for every Indian issue that came to her desk for approval.
Although the Senator was vague on the details of her plan, she seemed most enthusiastic about her future ideas for helping her "red sisters and brothers".
At the conclusion of her speech, the Tribes presented the Senator
with a plaque inscribed with her new Indian name - Walking Eagle.
The proud Senator then departed in her motorcade, waving to the crowds.

A news reporter later inquired of the group of chiefs as to how they came to select the new name given to the Senator.
They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of BS it can no longer fly.



Email: dernc@sover.net


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