Bear News Beartown News

JUNE 1, 2005



The Beartown Select Board has unanimously approved the mandatory addition of a the warning label "MARRIAGE MAY BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH" to all marriage licenses after the recent poisoning of Mr. DeBear and the shooting of Mrs. Jones while she was in bed with Mr. Smith.
"Because of our very litigious society, this action could save Beartown taxpayers thousands of dollars."
stated Select Board Chairman Mrs. DeBear from her jail cell where she is being held without bail for the murder of Mr. DeBear.


Just when you thought all hope was lost, alas, help is on the way to restore collegiality to the Senate!
That thanks to
"The Power of Collaborative Dialogue," a program for Senate chiefs of staff presented by "organizational consultants" Drs. Peter and Susan Glaser, who have long consulted state and local governments as well
as the private sector on methods to
"build agreement, coalition and support for divergent positions."
Sponsored by the Senate office of education and training, they're on the Hill to help Senate deal brokers learn to
"create a meeting climate free from personal attack, wheel spinning and negativity," and to "apply a five-step problem-solving approach that crafts agreements which convert to action."
Guest speakers will include:
Sen. Robert Byrd on "The Power of Racial Epithets in Making Yourself Heard,"
Sen. Harry Reid on "Consensus-Building: You Gotta Know When to Fold 'em,"
Sen. Hillary Clinton on "Taming the Shrew: Balancing Work and Home,"
Sen. John Kerry on "Live and Let Live: Moving Beyond the Past,"
Sen. John McCain on "Alienating Friends and Influencing No One,"
Sen. Ted Kennedy on "Cocktail Hour: Taking Care of Business."
The event will be held in the Senate office building from 9am to 2pm on 13 June -- space is limited, Senate staffers, so get on board this love train today!
20 May 2005 The Federalist Patriot No. 05-20 Friday Digest



Road kill cow and I don't mean your wife
Hit square in the ribeye - ended her life
The farmer didn't know there was a hole in the fence
You'd think and old cow would have better sense
It never was legal to steal and old farmer's meat
But it's hard to pass up good road kill beef
So stop real fast and all that you do
Is cut a hunk from the flank just enough for some stew
Some steal meat from the hip or the groin
All I ever take is the tenderloin
You can make a steak sandwich or make some beef stew
Just give it to your mama she'll know what to do

From Gourmet style Road Kill Cooking by Jeff Eberbaugh



Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
This site hosted by