Bear News Beartown News

JUNE 1, 2000

NEWS

VERMONT SIDEHILL

The surface of th' yearth is flat,
Or so the writers say,
And p'r'aps it is where they hold forth
But 'tisn't up this way;
If 'twas, I'd move today,
For nothing that I know of helps
The wine of life distill,
Like having out behind your barn
A strip of pure sidehill.

Old-fashioned, slanting, good sidehill,
With mullein stalks to spare;
That does one thing and does it well,
And that is -- staying there:
My gracious! I declare
I don't believe we'd ever had
That tale of Jack and Jill
If there had never been no barns
And strips of pure sidehill.

How great for kids and grown-ups too,
In days that's languorous sweet,
To lounge around on sloping ground
And point your passive feet
Down towards the cow-retreat!
A barn out in a level lot
Negotiates no thrill,
But Oh! a barn right on the verge
Of excellent sidehill!

Sidehill agrees with Summer suns,
But 'grees with snowflakes more,
For you can belly-bunt-it down
Right through the big barndoor
And brake against the floor;
Each time that I come back t' yearth
My karma to fulfill,
I hope we'll have a two-door barn
And strip of pure sidehill.


SUMMER WORK WANTED

I am 4 years old and would like employment for the summer months through Labor Day. I am very strong and can do most types of labor. I do not have a driver's license (but I would like to try).
I will work for peanuts and/or honey. I am self employed and withholdings and worker's comp insurance are not necessary.
You may contact me through the bulletin board at the post office or by my email:
huskybear@berries.net

I received no responses in May so I have expanded my contact possibilities:
U S MAIL: Gereral Delivery, Beartown
Vermont Job Service
Animal Shelter: got-pets or 468-7387
Telephone: hky-bear or 459-2327
Pager: ima-bear or 462-2327
Fax: fax-bear or 329-2327
Western Union: Beartown
You may also use the Bulletin Board or Guestbook on this website.

I NEED A JOB!!!


Did somebody say Beartown?

WHERE'S THE BEEF?

Here's why the right side of a beef is more tender than the left side.
You know that cattle get up on the left side, and the hanging tenderloin pulls the kidneys away from the left side. The filet on the right side is 1 1/2 inches larger, while the left side will be leaner than the right side. So the left side is sold to people who have a heart condition. The French chef will always prefer the right side, for it is more tender than the left, having fat to make it tender.


Looking Back

Them's greatgrampa and greatgramma Washburn, gramma's pa and ma. Great grampa liked bees and made lots of money off'm honey. He was awful good t' great gramma.
Gramma says you kin allus trust a bee man.


What You Can Get From A Cord of Wood

A cord of wood (128 cubic ft of wood [and air]) 4 feet high, 4 feet high, and 8 feet long, could make:

7,500,000 toothpicks or
1,000 - 2,000 lbs. of paper or
942 1 lb. books or
61,370 #10 envelopes or
4,384,000 commemorative postal stamps or
460,000 personal checks or
89,870 sheets of 8 1/2 x 11 paper or
1,200 National Geographics or
2,700 daily newspapers or
250 Sunday NY Times or
30 Boston rockers or
12 dining tables for 8


JUNE FORECAST

Plenty of showers, followed by brides


CHURCH NOTES

Try one of our Sundays
Come early and get a back seat
If your trouble is deepseated and of long standing, try kneeling
WANTED Men, women, and children to sit in slightly used pews Sunday mornings at 10 AM
Our Preacher is leaving the Church this Sunday and the congregation wants to give him a little momentum

?

Genesis 5:25 Methuselah was 187 when his son Lamech was born
Genesis 5:28 Lamech was 182 when his son Noah was born
Genesis 7:11 The flood came when Noah was 600 and started Feb.17. Methuselah was then 969 years old.
Genesis 5:27 Methuselah died at age 969
DID NOAH LEAVE HIS GRANDFATHER OUT IN THE FLOOD TO DIE OR DID HE DIE A NATURAL DEATH BEFORE FEB. 17 ?????


Email: dernc@sover.net


Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
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