NEWS
LAWS
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands
become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and
you'll have to pee.
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when
dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is
directly proportional to the stupidity of your act
4. Law of Random Numbers - I f you dial a wrong number, you
never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you
were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning
you will have a flat tire.
6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic
lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one
you are in now (works every time).
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7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in
water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting
someone you know increases dramatically when you are with
someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that
a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is
inversely proportional to the reach.
11. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena - A t any event,
the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always
arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats
several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave
early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The
folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long
gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the
performance. . The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12. The Coffee Law - A s soon as you sit down to a cup of
hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will
last until the coffee is cold.
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13.
Murphy's Law of Lockers - I f there
are only two people in a locker room, they
will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The
chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich
landing face down on a floor, are directly
correlated to the newness and cost of the
carpet or rug.
15. Law of Logical Argument -
Anything is possible if you don't know
what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical
Appearance - If the clothes fit,
they're ugly.
17. Oliver's Law of Public
Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no
feet.
18. Wilson's Law of Commercial
Marketing Strategy - As soon as you
find a product that you really like, they
will stop making it.
19. Doctors' Law - If you
don't feel well, make an appointment to go
to the doctor, by the time you get there
you'll feel better. But don't make an
appointment, and you'll stay sick.
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