NEWS
JUST call him FRED
After a long night of making love to his new
girlfriend, Fred notices a photo of a man on her bedside table. At
first, he really didn't give it much thought; she had never
mentioned it so why should he. But after a month or so into the
relationship he begins to stress about it; even imagining the photo
is staring at him doing the deed.
It was causing him so much anxiety that he finally decides to ask
about it.
"Is this your ex-husband?" he nervously
asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up
to him.
"Another boyfriend, then?" he
continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling
away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he
inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no!!!" she answers.
"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he
demands.
"That's me, 6 months ago."
Words Women
Use:
1.) FINE:
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right
and you need to shut up.
2.) Five Minutes:
If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five Minutes
is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes
to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing:
This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you
should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually
end in fine.
4.) Go Ahead:
This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5.) Loud Sigh:
This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often
misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot
and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing
with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3
for the meaning of nothing.)
6.) That's Okay:
This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a
man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before
deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) Thanks:
A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're
welcome.
8.) Whatever:
Is a women's way of verbally giving you the finger!
9.) Don't worry about
it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning
this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times,
but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking,
"what's wrong", for the woman's response refer to
#3.
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RECIPE
DITCH LINE DEER MEAT
Ditch line deer meat what a
delight
Smashed on the road in the middle of the night
It might be a doe or a great big buck
Take steaks in return for the damage to your truck
Take the guts out and hang it in the shed
Strip off the hide and mount the head
Cut tenderloin steaks about two inches thick
Cook em real slow never cook em too quick
Remember when your eatin it's expensive meat
'Cause your grill and your fender are still in the
street
Sell the mount to a lawyer that's too fat to hunt
He'll hang it in his den or or maybe out front
So any way you see it or any way it's said
You come out the loser and the deer's a head
From
Gourmet Style Road Kill Cooking
by Jeff Eberbaugh
A
distraught senior citizen phoned her
doctor's office.
"Is it true,"
she wanted to know,
"that the
medication you prescribed has to be
taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid
so," the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the
senior lady replied,
"I'm wondering,
then, just how serious is my condition.
This prescription is marked 'NO
REFILLS'."
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