MAY 1, 2000
Dick Hanson's appendix
several weeks I felt quite glum,
I went with him to that there Hospital,
they took me down to the appendix plant;
the job was done.
SUMMER WORK WANTED
I am 4
years old and would like employment for the summer months
through Labor Day. I am very strong and can do most types
of labor. I do not have a driver's license (but I would
like to try).
be chill, may be mild,
somebody say Beartown?
The accoumtant, helping the farmer prepare
his tax return, examined his ledger. There were no debit
or credit columns, but instead
the entries read: "Sold eggs $2.68"
or "Bought feed $16.92."
Most of the items were easy to interpret, but one reading
simply "Horse $10"
stumped the accountant. "Did you buy the horse for $10
or sell him?" he asked.
Bumford Peabody, the son of Dr. and Mrs. Peabody left Beartown in the late 1850's never to be heard of again. The Doctor said "He ain't got much time fer them 't ain't so good as what he is, so I don't like him very well. He's a hippercrit." One time his ma was showing his picture to someone and she said "This is a boy we're proud of, full of good works" -- 'and prunes' added the doctor, which really made the mother mad.
after Silas Stoler had his telephone installed, a
neighbor dropped by and found him immersed in the
business of filling out a form from a mail-order
catalogue. The telephone was ringing persistently, but
Silas took no heed whatever.
A visiting minister from nearby New York received the greatest compliment of his ministry from a laconic Beartowntonian. The resident gripped the pastor's hand, beamed all over, and said, "Didn't get my nap today."
Two ladies, dressed to the hilt in their Easter finery, were making slow progress in the crowd headed for the entrance to the church. Finally one of them burst out impatiently, "Now wouldn't you think that these people who do nothing but go to church Sunday after Sunday would stay home on Easter and leave room for the rest of us!"
Letter of thanks from a new bride. "Dear Pastor, I want to thank you for the beautiful way you brought my happiness to a conclusion."
Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
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