Bear News Beartown News

APRIL 1, 2007



There will be no special bilingual programs in the schools.
No special ballots for elections.
All government business will be conducted in our language.
Foreigners will NOT have the right to vote no matter how long they are here.
Foreigners will NEVER be able to hold political office.
Foreigners will not be a burden to the taxpayers. No welfare, no food stamps, no health care, or other government assistance programs.
Foreigners can invest in this country, but it must be an amount equal to 40,000 times the daily minimum wage.
If foreigners do come and want to buy land that will be okay, BUT options will be restricted. You are not allowed waterfront property. That is reserved for citizens naturally born into this country.
Foreigners may not protest; no demonstrations, no waving a foreign flag, no political organizing, no bad-mouthing our president or his policies, if you do you will be sent home.
If you do come to this country illegally, you will be hunted down and sent straight to jail.
The above laws happen to be the immigration laws of  


Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in this country lately; illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, wild animals attacking humans in Florida
 Not me. I concentrate on solutions to problems. The result is a win-win-win situation:
      + Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border
      + Use the dirt to raise the levies in New Orleans
      + Put the Florida alligators in the moat.


A Beartown woman gets home, screeches her car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of her lungs,
"Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband says, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she says. "Just get the hell out."




Take your old Ford truck or whatever ya own
Rev it up hard til it's almost blown
Pull out screamin, bangin all four gears
Make the white walls smoke that you charged at Sears
Boogie down to highway at ninety five
Do a quick double shift into overdrive
Ya won't drive long, I'll bet a twenty dollar bill
You'll see some black crows pickin at a dead road kill
Ya won't kill'em first time, but if your lucky ya might
It takes a little bit of practice to get the timing just right
Ya swerve real quick but don't hit the brakes
A little Hillbilly luck is all it takes
You can eat em with eggs or you can eat em with gravy
You can eat em with beans, pinto or navy
You can eat em off the side or you can eat em from the middle
Throw a black grilled crow on your wood stove griddle
From Gourmet Style Road Kill Cooking by Jeff Eberbaugh


The Democratic National Committee is currently polling Americans through the internet to determine the electability of Hillary Clinton for the presidency of the United States in 2008.
If you would like to show your support for Hillary and encourage her to run for President of the United States in 2008 please add your name to the bottom of the list below and send it on. Please forward and don't break the chain. This poll has been circulating since 01/03/07.




Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
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