APRIL 1, 2002
A BASEBALL TEAM is ENOUGH
After having their 9th child, an Beartown couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Beartown), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Beartowntonian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me. "Trust me," said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1" "2" "3" "4" "5" At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand.
This procedure also works in Kentucky, Mississippi, Tennessee, Alabama, and West Virginia.
EAT, DRINK, and be MERRY
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer
heart attacks than the British or Americans.
On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and
also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer
fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.
NEW SIGNS in TOWN
In a restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry . Come on in and
get fed up."
In an apparent copycat terrorist act,
TESTIMONY in MURDER TRIAL
Q: Doctor, before you performed
the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Did somebody say Beartown?
Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
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