Bear News Beartown News

March 1, 2009



Dewey Cheatum & Howe
Attorneys at law


Wisdom From the Bar

Luke ''The Drifter'' says:

"We Americans are damn tired of being thought of as dumb by the rest of the world.  So we went to the polls in November and removed all doubt."


The  phone rings and the lady of the house answers,  'Hello.'                   
'Mrs.  Sanders,  please.' 
'Mrs.  Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from  another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are  not too good.'   
'What do you mean?'  Mrs. Sanders asks nervously. 
'Well, one of the  specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive  for HIV. We can't  tell which is which.'       
'That's  dreadful! Can you do the test again?'
questioned Mrs.  Sanders.   
'Normally we can, but Medicare will  only pay for these expensive tests one time.' 
'Well, what  am I supposed to do now?' 
'The folks at Medicare recommend  that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds  his way home, don't sleep with  him.'

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests: I decide to water my lawn. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.
As I start toward the garage, I  notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.
So, I  decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so  I go
inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.
I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye - they need to be watered.
I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I  will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the living room where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.
 Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
the lawn isn't watered, the car isn't washed,
the bills aren't paid, there  is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter,
the flowers don't have enough water,
there is still only one check in my checkbook,
I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses,
I don't remember what I did with the car keys,
and my neighbor called to tell me he turned off the hose that was flooding the driveway.
Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.  I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my
Do me a favor, will you? Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember to whom it has been sent.
Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!


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