Bear News Beartown News

MARCH 1, 2005



The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer.
Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
Betsy Ross is the only real person to ever have been the head on a Pez dispenser.
The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; "7" was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces. "UP" indicated the direction of the bubbles.
No standard 8 1/2 x 11 piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
One in every four Americans has appeared on television.
Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.
A Boeing 747's wingspan is longer than the Wright brothers' first flight.
The albatross drinks sea water. It has a special
desalinization apparatus that strains out and excretes all excess salt.

In Clarendon, Texas, there is reportedly a law on the books that lawyers must accept eggs, chickens, or other produce, as well as money, as payment of legal fees.
Cats purr at 26 cycles per second, the same as an idling diesel engine.
A dragonfly flaps its wings 20 to 40 times a second, bees and houseflies 200 times, some mosquitoes 600 times, and a tiny gnat 1,000 times.
Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
The combination "ough" can be pronounced in nine different ways. The following sentence contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and  hiccoughed."
Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning  "containing arsenic."

The United States has never lost a war in which mules were used.
Blueberry Jelly Bellies were created especially for Ronald Reagan.
All porcupines float in water.
Non-dairy creamer is flammable.
When opossums are playing "possum," they are not "playing." They actually pass out from sheer terror.



French Fried Frog Fritters Body and All
Eat em in the summer or eat em in the fall
Scrape fourteen frogs from the middle of the street
Don't cut off the head or the hands or the feet
Put em in the blender and set it on grind
Then blend em on
WHOOP till they get real fine
Add garlic and onions and hot pepper jelly
Ground frog fritters taste great in your belly
You can eat em well done; you can eat em quite rare
Or you can put em on a cracker - I really don't care

From Gourmet style Road Kill Cooking by Jeff Eberbaugh


15. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
14. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
13. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
12. I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So Well
11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better
10. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
9. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight
8. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're still Here
7. If I Had Shot You When I First Wanted To, I'd Be Out Of Prison By now
6. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him
5. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
4. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
3. Her Teeth Was Stained But Her Heart Was Pure
2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer

1. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With Ugly Women, but I've Sure Woke Up With A Few


Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
This site hosted by