Bear News Beartown News

MARCH 1, 2002



No, this is not the front page of Beartown News.  This page is just the first page that has been created by a newer version of Front Page.  The older version was Front Page Express but this version is much faster than the Express version.  The front page of Beartown News will still be the first page you will usually visit. 
This information may not be at all useful or interesting but Bruin DeBear thought the viewer ship should be made aware of the change in technology.
We at Beartown News hope the explanation above does not confuse you.  It certainly has us confused and we are not exactly sure what we have told you.
To sum it all up, this month's front page was done with Front Page Express which is an older and slower version of Front Page.  All the rest of this month's issue were done with Front Page which is a newer and faster version of Front Page Express.



Are You Hungry???

The new Black Bear Bar & Grill is located in the basement of the police station.  Local officials though this would ensure no rowdiness would occur.
The menu includes most common barroom foods except for
bear stew. In general, since the improvement of cookery, mankind eats twice as much as nature requires. 
Dishes are 16 inches in diameter with a 1 inch high lip around the edge.  Satisfaction is guaranteed and anyone wishing more fare at the end of a meal gets a 1 pound burger

Beartown Senior Center Affair to Remember
March 31, 7PM

My forgetter's getting better,
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke
For when I'm "here" I'm wondering
If I really should be "there"
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven't got a prayer!

Oft times I walk into a room,
Say "what am I here for?"
I wrack my brain, but all in vain!
A zero, is my score.
At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me!
When shopping I may see someone,
Say "Hi" and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, "who was that?"
Yes, my forgetter's getting better
 While my rememberer is broke,
And it's driving me plumb crazy
And that isn't any joke.


It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following. Please join me in remembering a great icon. The Pillsbury Dough boy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly.  He was only 71.
Dough boy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including
Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, Mr. Peanut, the Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch.
The grave site was piled high with flours, as long-time friend
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Dough boy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.  Dough boy rose quickly in show business but his later life was filled with turnovers.  He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Despite being a  little flaky at times, he even still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions. Toward the end it was
thought that he would rise again, but alas, he was no tart.
Dough boy is survived by his wife,
Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven.  He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty minutes.

Did somebody say Beartown?

Email: dernc@sover.nett

Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
This site hosted by