NEWS
BEARTOWN NEWS HAS
NEW FRONT PAGE
No, this is not the front page
of Beartown News. This page is just the first page that has been
created by a newer version of Front Page. The older version was
Front Page Express but this version is much faster than the Express
version. The front page of Beartown News will still be the first
page you will usually visit.
This information may not be at all useful or interesting but Bruin
DeBear thought the viewer ship should be made aware of the change in
technology.
We at Beartown News hope the explanation above does not confuse you.
It certainly has us confused and we are not exactly sure what we have
told you.
To sum it all up, this month's front page was done with Front Page
Express which is an older and slower version of Front Page. All
the rest of this month's issue were done with Front Page which is a
newer and faster version of Front Page Express.
NEW EATERY
OPENS
Are You
Hungry???
The new Black
Bear Bar & Grill is located in the basement of the police
station. Local officials though this would ensure no
rowdiness would occur.
The menu includes most common barroom foods except for
bear stew.
In general, since the improvement of cookery, mankind eats twice
as much as nature requires.
Dishes are 16 inches in diameter with a 1 inch high lip around
the edge. Satisfaction is guaranteed and anyone wishing
more fare at the end of a meal gets a 1 pound burger
FREE!
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Beartown Senior
Center Affair to Remember
March 31, 7PM
My forgetter's getting better,
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke
For when I'm "here" I'm wondering
If I really should be "there"
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven't got a prayer!
Oft times I walk into a room,
Say "what am I here for?"
I wrack my brain, but all in vain!
A zero, is my score.
At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me!
When shopping I may see someone,
Say "Hi" and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, "who was that?"
Yes, my forgetter's getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it's driving me plumb crazy
And that isn't any joke.
OBITUARY
It is with the saddest heart that
I pass on the following. Please join me in remembering a great icon. The
Pillsbury Dough boy
died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated
pokes in the belly. He was only 71.
Dough boy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities
turned out to pay their respects, including
Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California
Raisins, Betty Crocker, Mr. Peanut, the Hostess Twinkies and Captain
Crunch.
The grave site was piled high with flours, as long-time friend
Aunt Jemima delivered
the eulogy, describing Dough boy as a man who never knew how much he was
kneaded. Dough boy rose quickly in show business but his later life was
filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie,
wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Despite being a little flaky at times, he even still, as a crusty old
man, was considered a roll model for millions. Toward the end it was
thought that he would rise again, but alas, he was no tart.
Dough boy is survived by his wife, Play
Dough, two children,
John Dough and
Jane Dough, plus they
had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father,
Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty minutes.
Did somebody
say Beartown?
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