Bear News Beartown News

MARCH 1, 2001


Morsel of Groundhog Recipe

Now that groundhogs day is over for another year why not eat some of these pests before they start once again digging up your fields. Invite the friendly Ground Hog to be the guest of honor for supper.

Whatever you do, don't throw away the skin. The finest old mountain banjos always use a Ground Hog hide for the drum of the banjo
Take one skinned groundhog with entrails removed. Try to get a young or middle-aged hog. Your old hog will be tough. Cut it up and remove the "strong bone" which is under the front armpits. For old groundhogs, soak in strong salt water for about one hour, with one teaspoon of vinegar added. Rinse in fresh water. Boil 15 or 20 minutes in water with 1 tsp. baking soda. Rinse and boil for 10 minutes more.
For young groundhogs, eliminate the baking soda step. Now, take your flour and cornmeal of equal proportions, along with salt and peper, and mix together in a paper bag. Add the groundhog and shake it good so the ingredients even up on it. Then fry it at low speed and prick it with a fork. When the fork penetrates easily, turn it up to high speed and brown. dash on a little Worcestershire sauce. Serve with cornbread and vegetables.

Ground Hog Song

Shoulder up your gun and whistle up your dogs,
We're off to the woods for to catch a ground hog.
Here comes granny walking on a cane,
Says she's gonna eat that ground hog's brain.
Here comes Sal with a great long pole,
Twist that whistle pig outta his hole.
Here comes Sal with a snigger and a grin,
Ground hog grease all over her chin.
I dug down but I didn't dig deep,
There lay a whistle pig fast asleep.
Run here, Mama, and run here quick,
This grounghog has made me sick.
I cut a long pole for to twist him out,
Great God a'mighty, what a groundhog snout!
You eat up the meat and you save the hide,
Makes the best shoe strings you ever tied.
Children all around, they screamed and cried,
They love ground hog both stewed and fried.
I skinned him, I washed him, I put him on to boil,
I thought, by golly, I could smell him half a moile.
Little piece of cornbread laying on the shelf,
If you want any more you can sing it yourself.

Did somebody say


Walter Bumpy had never been to a doctor until after his eightieth birthday. The nurse asked him to bring a specimen to her in a bottle.. Walter was shy and he talked his wife into returning the bottle to the nurse. "Is this urine?" the nurse asks. "No, it's his'n."

Epitaphs in Beartown

I fought a good battle but I losted
Dead by the kick of a cow Well done thou good and faithful servant
Samuel Brown Ripe for the harvest
ONCE I WASN'T Then I was NOW I AIN'T Again
Here lies the body of Obadiah Williams and his wife, Carrie THEIR WARFARE IS ACCOMPLISHED
Here lies John Yeast Pardon me for not Rising
School is out Teacher has gone home

Creative Farmer

A patent has recently been issued to the owner of Egg Mt. Farm. Patent No. 365,672 consists of a device for preventing hens from sitting, and which also operates to induce or influence the hen to lay another clutch of eggs.
The device, an arrangement of spikes, is secured in operative position in a nest so that, when the hen attempts to settle down upon the nest for the purpose of sitting, she will come in contact with the sharp points calculated to make her change her mind. As a result, she gives up the idea of raising a family and lays fresh eggs instead.

Home Improvement

A local Beartown resident recently went to the Beartown Savings & Loan to get a loan to build a bathroom in her house. She had never been in a bank and was very nervous. She got right to the point with the bank president. "I want to borrow a thousand dollars to put a bathroom in my house."
The president was cautious and responded, "I don't believe I know you. Where have you done your business before?"

"Oh, out back in the pine thicket,"
she replied.

Save those canned ham cans if you can't get a Ground Hog!


Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
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