MARCH 1, 2000

NEWS

Willard Chuggins is always singing that song about being his own grandpa and finally agreed to fully explain the situation.
"You see" says Willard "I married a widow, and this widow had a daughter. Then my father, being a widower, married our daughter, so you see my father is my own son-in-law. Then again my step-daughter is my step-mother. Well that makes her mother my grandmother and I'm married to her. So that makes me my own grandfather."

Recently the Wexler twins went to see a circus to celebrate their 80th birthday. Their hotel was right next to the circus lot and Hiram was looking out the window as Zeke prepared for bed.
"Hey! I see an animal picking up hay with his tail." said Hiram.
"What's he doing with it? asked Zeke.
"You wouldn't believe it if I told you." replied Hiram.

Sports

Basketball
East Overshoe 72
Beartown 77
Twin Forks 68

Holiday

March 17, St. Patricks Day and Evacuation Day, when the british redcoats got out of Boston and St, Patrick evicted the snakes from Ireland. For observing the day, wear a turkey-red coat, or vest, and put a bit of green ribbon, or a shamrock, in the buttonhole; the green above the red. On Easter day, wear a scrambled egg in the same place.

Did somebody say Beartown?

COMPUTER CHIPS

Whenever one is working with a computer comfort is of the utmost importance. Physical and eventually mental discomfort may result from poor work habits. The most important items to concentrate on are computer chips and LCDs. Select chips that are most palatable and not easily fragmented. Obtaining smaller quantities can result in having a larger selection and avoids staleness. The LCDs should be kept at a safe distance on another table. Accidents do happen and no user would want to spill a Liquid Cold Drink on their computer.

Weather

Chili today, hot tamale. Sunny tonight with the low slightly above today's high. This phenomenon often occurs because of the movement of some pressure areas either high lows or low highs. Metorologists are still puzzled by nature's inconsistancies and that is why we really don't provide you with an accurate forecast that often. But with all factors considered we actually do very well for just guessing.

District Court

The long trial of John Bevins finally ended with a jury verdict of not guilty to the charge of grand larceny. "Does that mean I can keep the money?" asked Bevins.

Classifieds

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Man wanted to work in Beartown dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Dog For Sale: eats anything, fond of children

3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience prefered.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

YOU CHUCK IT, WE TRUCK IT!!! Beartown Refuse Removal

Great Dames For Sale

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment

DINNER SPECIAL Turkey $2.25; Chicken or beef $2.50; Children $2.00