Bear News Beartown News

FEBRUARY 1, 2006



Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.
She emphatically told George and several others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house............. and left it there all night.


A woman and a man were involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning January 23; it was a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in Mysterious ways.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So.... you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".
Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God!"
The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."


We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads. So I'm not fat, I'm just really intelligent and my head couldn't hold any more so it started filling up the rest of me!  That's my story and I'm sticking with it.



Boogie Woogie Swamp Chicken - the same as a snipe
They took me up a holler in the middle of the night
I still can't believe what my uncle Ben did
I didn't know that they tricked me _ I was only a kid
He handed me a club and a burlap poke
I'd a knocked him in the head if I'd known it was a joke
They all walked off and Ben lit his pipe
And left me standin all alone in the middle of the night
I was fifteen miles from the closest phone
And I didn't even know which direction was home
I built a little fire and tried to keep warm
I was gettin kinda worried _ It was startin to storm
I was pretty upset and at a loss for words
When down from the trees flew these weird lookin birds
They had real long beaks and their wings kind of sagged
I just showed them my club and they flew in my bag
When I got home the next morning Ben thought I would fight
He almost died when he saw my bag full of snipe
I plucked all their feathers and made a big stew
And said look uncle Ben - the joke is on you

From Gourmet style Road Kill Cooking by Jeff Eberbaugh


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