NEWS
OBITUARY
Today we mourn the
passing of a beloved old friend,
Mr. Common Sense.
Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows
for sure how old he was since his birth records were
long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such value
lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why
the early bird gets the worm and that life isn't always
fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial
policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable
parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge).
His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well
intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in
place - reports of a six-year-old
boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a
classmate; teens suspended from school for using
mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher
fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened
his condition.
Mr. Sense
declined even further when schools were required to get
parental consent to administer aspirin to a student;
but, could not
inform the parents when a student became pregnant and
wanted to have an abortion.
Finally, Common Sense
lost the will to live as churches became businesses; and
criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense
finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to
realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she
spilled a bit in her lap, and was awarded a huge
settlement.
Common Sense
was preceded in death by his parents,
Truth and Trust,
his wife, Discretion;
his daughter,
Responsibility; and his
son,
Reason.
He is survived by two stepbrothers;
My Rights
and Ima Whiner.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he
was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on; if
not, join the majority and do nothing.
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RECIPE
Awesome POSSUM Gravy & Buttermilk Biscuits
Awesome Possum
Gravy & Buttermilk Biscuits
It's harder to say than it is to fix it
Take a full grown possum that's whole and round
With a last years tomato stake begin to pound
Keep on poundin' til he turns to mush
Stick a yam in his mouth and a pickle in his tush
Flip him and turn him from time to time
Til the mush inside turns into a slime
Let him swell in the sun til fully ripe
The yam and the pickle otta fit real tight
In the bottom of the stove there's a number 8
skillet
Pull out the pickle and begin to fill it
Squeeze on the possum til ya get all ya can
If ya get an air lock you can pull out the yam
Stir uncovered over medium heat
Add the pickle and the yam and some strips of meat
Call your husband & the kids & your neighbor's son
Ya better check on the biscuits, cause the gravies
done
From
Gourmet style Road Kill Cooking
by Jeff Eberbaugh
Constable Report
The Constable was patrolling at night in a well-known spot. He sees a
couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. The Constable
carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young
man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices
a young woman in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising
situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window. The
young man lowers his window
"Uh, yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?"
"Well, isn't it obvious? I'm reading a
magazine, sir "
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop
says: "And her, what is she doing?"
The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's knitting a
pullover sweater."
Now, the Constable is totally confused. A young couple. Alone, in a car,
at night in a lovers' lane. And nothing obscene is happening!
"What's your age, young man?"
"I'm 25, sir."
"And her ... what's her age?"
The young man looks at his watch and replies:
"She'll be 18 in 11 minutes."
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