You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel
guilty for being successful. You vote people into office
that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to
raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then
take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your
neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for
SOCIALIST: You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
REPUBLICAN: You have two
cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
COMMUNIST: You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a
herd of cows.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point
you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign
country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots
one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then
pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION: You
have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself
and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the 2 cows to
produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one
cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts
stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION: You have
two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch. Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION: You
have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth
the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the
milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION: You have
two cows. You re-engineer them so they are all blond,
drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run
a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand
13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION: You
have two cows but you don't know where they are. While
ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for
lunch. Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You
have two cows. You count them and learn you have five
cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and
learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn
you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another
bottle of vodka. You produce your 10th, 5-year plan in
the last 3 months. The Mafia shows up and takes over
however many cows you really have.
POLISH CORPORATION: You have
two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed (attempting
to milk them)
FLORIDA CORPORATION: You
have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the
best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown
one best, vote for the black one and some people vote for
both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't
figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys
from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking one.
NEW YORK CORPORATION: You
have fifteen million cows. You have to choose which one
will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow
Eye halve a
It came with my pea sea.
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And Eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew
On a recent winter day Sam Jorgenson was
cutting logs near the Canadian border. Two Border Patrol
Agents appeared and bellowed through a loudspeaker "Who
are you and what are you doing?"
Sam.. I Bin Loggin!" was the reply and he was shot dead!
You have two cows. You sell one and
buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
Enron Venture Capitalism
You have two cows. You sell three
of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of
credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then
execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general
offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax
exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows
are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island
company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who
sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed
company. The annual report says the company owns eight
cows, with an option on one more.
Now do you see why a company with $62
billion in assets is declaring bankruptcy?
somebody say Beartown?