Bear News Beartown News

DECEMBER 1, 2008



If the current global economic crisis continues, within the year there will be only two banks left: the Blood Bank and the Sperm Bank.  They then will merge and become the Bloody $#+%! Bank.

Dear Fellow Business Owner:

As a business owner who currently employs about 1,600 people, we have resigned ourselves to the fact that Barack Obama will be our next president, and that our taxes and labor costs will need to go up in order to subsidize the Obama tax plan. To compensate for these increases, our analysis points to 10-12% fee increase to Customers. This indicates we will need to lay off about 170 of our employees.

 This really bothered us as we believe we are family here and didn't know how to choose who will have to go. So, as a fair approach to all employees, we strolled thru the parking lot and found about 150 'Obama in 2008' bumper stickers on employee cars. We have decided these folks should be the first to be laid off since they believe redistribution of wealth will work for them.
We can't think of a more appropriate way to approach this new business challenge. If you have a better idea, please let me know.



When doing your Holiday cards this year, take one card and send it to the following address. If we pass this message on and everyone sends just one card, think of how many cards these wonderful special people who have sacrificed so much would receive. 
When you are making out your Holiday card list this year, please send one to the following address: 
A Recovering American Soldier 
 c/o Walter Reed Army Medical  Center 
 6900 Georgia Avenue,NW 
  Washington,D.C. 20307-5001 


Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to consider this...

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston .
After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest.
They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them bill for $350.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.
When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.
'But we didn't use them,' the man complains. 'Well, they are here, and you could have,' explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. 'The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,' the Manager says.
'But we didn't go to any of those shows,' complains the man again.
'Well, we have them, and you could have,' the Manager replies.
No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies,
'But we didn't use it!'
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay.
He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. 'But Sir,' he says, 'this check is only made out for $50.'
'That's correct,' says the man. 'I charged you $300 for sleeping with my wife.'
'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager.
'Well, too bad,' the man replies. 'She was here and you could have.'


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