Bear News Beartown News

DECEMBER 1, 2005



When I asked my friend what was a good wine to have when you are having a turkey for Thanksgiving, she hit me over the head with a lamp.


At Thanksgiving my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store. 
When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey.  She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.   
When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.   
With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed,
"Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!"  At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.   
It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!



A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed
that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before. All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."



He was scalded in the night in the dark of the moon
When across the four lane he trailed the coon
Squashed on the pavement by a semi truck
A pure bred redbone only a pup
No West Virginian could eat his own hound
They just hold a little service and put him in the ground
The truck driver said he couldn't see for the fog
And he was doggone sorry for squashin my dog
So we called off the hunt and shed a few tears
And went back to the pickup and finished our beers
It hurts a feller deep clean to his socks
To have to go home with an empty dog box

From Gourmet style Road Kill Cooking by Jeff Eberbaugh


Misguided Criminals for Terrorists.

Thought Shower or Word Shower substituting for brainstorm so as not to offend those with brain disorders such as epilepsy.

Deferred Success as a euphemism for the word fail. The Professional Association of Teachers in the UK considered a proposal to replace any notion of failure with deferred success in order to bolster students self-esteem.

Womyn for Women to distance the word from man.

"God Rest Ye Merry Persons” for “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen”.


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