Bear News Beartown News

DECEMBER 1, 2003



According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to
mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen- had to be a girl.
We should've known.
Only women, while pregnant, would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.


Fire authorities in California found a corpse in  a burned out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire.  The
deceased male was dressed in a full wetsuit, complete with scuba tanks on his  back,
flippers, and face mask. A post-mortem revealed that the person died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental
records  provided a positive identification.
Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clad diver  ended up in the middle of a forest fire.
It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the person went for a  diving trip off the coast some 20 miles from the forest. The fire-fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, called  in a fleet of
helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped
from the ocean and then flown to the forest fire and emptied.
You  guessed it. One minute
our diver was making like Flipper in the  Pacific, the next he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300  feet in the air.
Apparently he extinguished exactly 5'10" of the fire. Some  days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.


To find if I could find the makings of me.
And all that I had was Great grandfather's name,
not knowing his wife or from where he came.
I chased him across a long line of states,
And came up with pages and pages of dates.
When all put together, it made me forlorn,
Proved poor Great-grandpa had never been born.
One day I was sure the truth I had found,
Determined to turn this whole thing upside down.
I looked up the record of one Uncle John,
But then I found the old man to be younger than his son.
Then when my hopes were fast growing dim,
I came across records that must have been him.
The facts I collected made me quite sad,
Dear old Great grandfather was never a Dad.
I think someone is pulling my leg,
I am not at all sure I wasn't hatched from an egg.
After hundreds of dollars I've spent on my tree,
I can't help but wonder if I'm really me.


"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."- Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.
"Aim towards the Enemy."-
Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend. -
U.S. Marine Corps
"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." -
U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop
"If the enemy is in range, so are you."-
Infantry Journal
It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."-
U.S. Air Force Manual
"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons."-
Gen.Mac Arthur
"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."-
Infantry Journal
"You, you, and you . . . Panic. The rest of you, come with me." -
U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.
"Tracers work both ways."-
U.S. Army Ordnance
"Five second fuses only last three seconds."-
Infantry Journal
"Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything."-
U. S Navy Swabbie
"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."-
David Hackworth
"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."-
Infantry Journal
"No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection." -
Joe Gay
"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once." -
"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." -
Unknown Marine Recruit
"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." -
Your Buddies
"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him." -
U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

Head Cheese and Hog Maw

I was really interested in reading old recipes and must share my own. Being Pennsylvania Dutch, I grew up on pigs stomach, pickled pigs feet and some disgusting concoction called head cheese, which looks exactly like a combination of snot mixed with rubber cement. I don't have the head cheese recipe, but I do know how you make pig stomach, which by the way I absolutely love.
The problem is that although it's not a one person meal, no one will taste it to see if they like it. I was a little reticent myself, but it is sssoooo good. By the way, to the Pennsylvania Dutch (for which this dish is a norm) it is called "hog mawl" You order the pig stomach from the butcher. He has to soak it to kill off the enzymes. You chop up equal parts of potatoes, onions and country sausage (not breakfast links or Italian, it's a main dish sausage). Stuff the stomach and bake until it is brown and crispy on the outside. Slice and serve it just like roast.  Its so Good.


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