Bear News Beartown News

DECEMBER 1, 2002


NEWS


DO YOU UNDERSTAND YOUR DOCTOR?

"Well, what have we here...?" He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.
"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?" I'm stalling for time.
"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.
"Let me check your medical history." I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.
"Well, now, we have some good news and some bad news."
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.
"This should be taken care of right away." I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.
"Let me schedule you for some lab tests."
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.
"Let's see how it develops." Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that really needs to be cured.
"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
"That's quite a nasty looking wound." I think I'm going to throw up.
"This may smart a little." Last week two patients almost bit off their tongues.
"This should fix you up." The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff. Hope it works...
"Everything seems to be normal."
Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.
"I'd like to run some more tests." I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.

DEER HUNTERS

An engineer, a psychologist, and a theologian were hunting in the wilderness of Beartown.
Suddenly, the temperature dropped and a furious
snowstorm was upon them. They came across an isolated cabin, far removed from town. The hunters knew that the locals in the area were quite hospitable, so they knocked on the door to ask permission to rest.
No one answered their knocks, but they discovered the cabin was unlocked a so they entered. It was a simple camp ... 2 rooms with a minimum of furniture and household equipment. Nothing was unusual about the cabin except the stove. It was large, pot-bellied, and made of cast-iron. What was strange about it was its location ... it was suspended in midair by wires attached to the ceiling beams.
"Fascinating," said the psychologist. "It is obvious
that this hunter, isolated from humanity, has
elevated this stove so that he can curl up under it and vicariously experience a return to the womb."

"Nonsense!" replied the engineer. "The man is
practicing the laws of thermodynamics. By elevating his stove, he has discovered a way to distribute heat more evenly throughout the cabin."

"With all due respect," interrupted the theologian,
"I'm sure that hanging his stove from the ceiling has religious meaning. Fire LIFTED UP has been a religious symbol for centuries."
The three debated the point for several hours without resolving the issue. When the hunter finally returned, they immediately asked him why he had hung his heavy pot-bellied stove from the ceiling.
His answer was succinct.
"Had plenty of wire, not much stove pipe."

BEARTOWN BREWERY
CRAFTS THE TOP TEN DRINKS FOR WOMEN
 Campaign launched to encourage women to drink real ale with Top Ten Real Cask Ales for Female 'Beer Virgins'

Brains Dark - Cardiff - 3.5% -dark brown mild - sweet mix of caramel and roast malt flavours
Caledonian Golden Promise - Edinburgh - 4.5% - the first organic British beer - floral and fruity and quite hoppy.
Hop Back Summer Lightning - Salisbury - 5% - fresh and hoppy, light almost lager colored which is quite dry
Oakham JHB - Peterborough - 3.8% - straw colored bitter which is floral with grapefruit and kiwi flavors - a firm favorite with most real ale drinkers
St Austell Tribute - Cornwall - 4.2% - full bodied and malty with fresh citrus nose
Taylor Landlord - West Yorkshire - 4.3% - well balanced and dry bitter which is spicy and hoppy
Charles Wells Banana Bread Beer - Bedford - 5% - launched last year, quite sweet and tastes and smells of bananas
Woodfordes Nelsons Revenge - 4.5%- Norwich - very fruity with creamy malt flavors
Youngs Waggle Dance - London - 5% - brewed with honey
Beartown Wheat Beer - Congleton, Cheshire - 5% - dry and bitter wheat beer


Boozer Bob, licensee of the Beartown Tap said "We are very proud at Beartown to have been chosen, but it has always been our policy to encourage woman & men to try real ale. Here at the Beartown Tap we get quite a lot of women trying our beers. Once they have had a taste, they usual have more; it helps with the atmosphere of not having load music and bad language, as they don't feel intimidated or threatened. If they see another woman drinking a pint of real ale, then they are more likely to give it a try. Of course you don't have to drink pints, you can always have an half."

 

 


Did somebody say Beartown?


Email: dernc@sover.net


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