DECEMBER 1, 2002
DO YOU UNDERSTAND YOUR DOCTOR?
"Well, what have we here...?" He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.
"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?" I'm stalling for time.
"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call." I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.
"Let me check your medical history." I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.
"Well, now, we have some good news and some bad news." The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.
"This should be taken care of right away." I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.
"Let me schedule you for some lab tests." I have a forty percent interest in the lab.
"Let's see how it develops." Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that really needs to be cured.
"I'd like to prescribe a new drug." I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
"That's quite a nasty looking wound." I think I'm going to throw up.
"This may smart a little." Last week two patients almost bit off their tongues.
"This should fix you up." The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff. Hope it works...
"Everything seems to be normal." Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.
"I'd like to run some more tests." I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.
An engineer, a psychologist, and a theologian were hunting in the wilderness of Beartown.
Suddenly, the temperature dropped and a furious
snowstorm was upon them. They came across an isolated cabin, far removed from town. The hunters knew that the locals in the area were quite hospitable, so they knocked on the door to ask permission to rest.
No one answered their knocks, but they discovered the cabin was unlocked a so they entered. It was a simple camp ... 2 rooms with a minimum of furniture and household equipment. Nothing was unusual about the cabin except the stove. It was large, pot-bellied, and made of cast-iron. What was strange about it was its location ... it was suspended in midair by wires attached to the ceiling beams.
"Fascinating," said the psychologist. "It is obvious
that this hunter, isolated from humanity, has
elevated this stove so that he can curl up under it and vicariously experience a return to the womb."
"Nonsense!" replied the engineer. "The man is
practicing the laws of thermodynamics. By elevating his stove, he has discovered a way to distribute heat more evenly throughout the cabin."
"With all due respect," interrupted the theologian,
"I'm sure that hanging his stove from the ceiling has religious meaning. Fire LIFTED UP has been a religious symbol for centuries."
The three debated the point for several hours without resolving the issue. When the hunter finally returned, they immediately asked him why he had hung his heavy pot-bellied stove from the ceiling.
His answer was succinct. "Had plenty of wire, not much stove pipe."
Did somebody say Beartown?
Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
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