Bear News Beartown News

NOVEMBER 1, 2004


Early & Often


Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine November day in his downtown Boston, Massachusetts parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He noticed, however, that there was a donkey lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. Believing that it might have been a mascot of the Democratic Party of Boston, he promptly called US Senator Kerry's office for assistance.
He dialed the Senator's office: "Good morning. This is Senator Kerry. How may I help you?"
"And the best of the day to yerself. This is Father O'Malley at Saint Brigid's. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn.  Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Senator Kerry, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, "Well now Father, it was always my understanding that you people of the cloth took care of last rites!"
There was silence on the line for a long moment.  Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, and true it is, but we also are obliged first to notify the next of kin."


               Bill Clinton, John Kerry and George W. Bush died and found themselves standing on the other side of the Jordan River, looking across at the promised land.
               The Archangel Michael was standing on the other and shouted over to the three surprised Americans,
"Contrary to what you have been taught, each of you will have to wade across the
Jordan River."
              As Michael saw their perplexed looks, he reassured  them by saying,
"Don't worry. You will sink only proportionally according the lies you have told on earth. The more you have lied the more you will sink into the water."
        The three American sages of political lore looked at one another, trying to determine who shall be the first brave soul to cross  the
Jordan River.
Finally George W. Bush volunteered to go first.
Clinton, knowing he had told many lies decided he would have to face
up  to his life of lies. John Kerry, hero that he is, stood back until the others had taken a

stand on what they would do.

Slowly George W. Bush began into the river, and slowly the water began to get higher and higher, reaching to his waist. George began to sweat, thinking that all of his lies were coming back to haunt him. He was
beginning to wonder if he would ever see the other  side...

 Finally, after what seemed liked an eternity, he began to emerge on the river's bank. As he ascended to the other side, he looked behind him to see how the other two were doing.

 A shock of surprise registered on his face as he saw John  Kerry almost in the middle of the river and only his ankles barely touching
the water.  He turned to Michael and exclaimed,
"I don't believe this, the man told constant lies, he rarely told the truth. I can't believe you have fallen for his lies too."

Archangel Michael replied calmly ... "He's standing on Clinton's shoulders"


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