Pat Garrett’s Moose Shootin
Mama song for Sarah Palin:
Well she’s a moose shootin’ mama
And she’ll help keep our country free
She’s a moose shootin’ mama
She’ll make a great big P
When she looks you in the eye
You know that girl don’t lie
She’s a moose shootin’ mama
Yes, Sarah is the girl for me
She’ll help the prez keep
our taxes down
And clean up Washington
Get them pork-barrel boys on the run
Man, this is gonna be fun
And it’s drill, baby, drill
Cause we’re paying way too much
Maybe what this country needs is a woman’s touch
Why parents drink
Mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to
see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.
Then she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow
addressed to 'Mom' With the worst premonition she opened the
envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.
It is with great regret and sorrow
that I'm writing you.
I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a
scene with Dad and you. I have been finding real passion with
and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her
because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes
and the fact that she is much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion...Mom she's pregnant. Stacy said
that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and
has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really
anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the
that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will
that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better.
She deserves it.
Don't worry Mom. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.
sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know
Your Son Jon
Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy’s house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life
than the report card that's in my center desk drawer. I
love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.
A crusty old man walks into the
First Beartown Church and says to the
'I would like to join this damn church.
'The astonished woman replies,
'I beg your pardon, sir. I must have
misunderstood you. What did you say?'
'Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join
this damn church!'
'I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of
language is not tolerated in this church.'
The secretary leaves her desk and goes
into the pastor's study to inform him of
her situation. The pastor agrees that the
secretary does not have to listen to that
foul language. They both return to her
office and the pastor asks the old geezer,
'Sir, what seems to be the problem here?'
'There is no damn problem,'
the man says.
'I just won $200 million bucks in the damn
lottery and I want to join this damn
church to get rid of some of this damn
said the pastor.
'And is this bitch giving you a hard
TOP 10 COUNTRY/WESTERN SONGS
10. I Hate
Every Bone In Her Body But Mine
9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an
Ugly Woman But I've Woke Up With a Few
If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's
Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm
Scared She'd Win
5. I'm So Miserable Without You - It's
Like You're Still Here
My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I
She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger
She Gets Better Lookin' with Every Beer
And the Number One Country & Western song
1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night
That Chewed My Ass All Day.