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NEWS

HOW TO DESTROY THE EARTH

Contemporary scientific theories tell us that what we may see as vacuum is only vacuum on average, and actually thriving with vast amounts of particles and antiparticles constantly appearing and then annihilating each other. It also suggests that the volume of space enclosed by a light bulb contains enough vacuum energy to boil every ocean in the world. Therefore, vacuum energy could prove to be the most abundant energy source of any kind. Which is where you come in. All you need to do is figure out how to extract this energy and harness it in some kind of power plant - this can easily be done without arousing too much suspicion - then surreptitiously allow the reaction to run out of control. The resulting release of energy would easily be enough to annihilate all of planet Earth and probably the Sun too.

ENGINEERS

An electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft software engineer are driving together. Suddenly, the car just stops by the side of the road.
The electrical engineer says, "It's probably the car's internal electronics. We should check all the wiring and maybe we can trace where a fault might have occurred."
The chemical engineer says, "Maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and it's getting blocked somewhere."
The Microsoft software engineer says, "If we close all the windows, get out, get back in, then open the windows again, maybe it'll work!"

OYSTER SHUCKING

A Swede won the world oyster-opening championship in September after he shucked a shellfish every five seconds with a minimum of blood and grit.
Restaurateur Hasse Johannesson opened 30 oysters in 2 minutes 41 seconds to scoop the coveted award, ahead of Canada's Eamon Clarke by 13 seconds.
"Now I need a cigarette," said Johannesson as he celebrated his first world title after competing for the fourth time. "The secret is not just good timing but in the clean presentation as if you would serve it in a restaurant," he told Reuters.
Damage to the oyster's flesh, failure to detach it from the shell, grit or traces of human blood mean penalties for the knife-wielding competitors who have come from 16 other countries including Thailand, the United States and Estonia.

RECIPE

NETTLE SOUP

Gather a bunch of nettle plants early in the spring
Cook a long time to destroy the sting
Strain through a colander and just add milk
Add a little chicken whiskey smooth as silk
Thicken it with flour and a couple egg yokes
It's a simple kind of food for some simple kind of folks
From Gourmet Style Road Kill Cooking by Jeff Eberbaugh

APPENDIX

In plant-eating vertebrates, the appendix is much larger and its main function is to help digest a largely herbivorous diet. The human appendix is a small pouch attached to the large intestine where it joins the small intestine and does not directly assist digestion. Biologists believe it is a vestigial organ left behind from a plant-eating ancestor. Interestingly, it has been noted by paleontologist Alfred Sherwood Romer in his text The Vertebrate Body (1949) that the major importance of the appendix "would appear to be financial support of the surgical profession," referring to, of course, the large number of appendectomies performed annually. In 2000, in fact, there were nearly 300,000 appendectomies performed in the United States, and 371 deaths from appendicitis. Any secondary function that the appendix might perform certainly is not missed in those who had it removed before it might have ruptured.

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