Bear News Beartown News

OCTOBER 1, 2004


NEWS

YOU  VOTE

FISHING  NEWS

On a tour of North Carolina, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit
the coastal area for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the sea wall off Harker's Island in his Pope mobile when suddenly he notices a frantic commotion just off shore.
There was John Kerry struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot shark. As the Pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with two men aboard. One of the men, President George W. Bush quickly fired a harpoon into the shark's side while Dick Cheney reached out and pulled the bleeding, semi-conscious John Kerry from the water. Then using (autographed Round Rock Express) baseball bats, the two heroes beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat.
Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach.
"I give you my blessings for your brave actions," he told them. "I heard that there was some bitter hatred between President Bush and John Kerry, but now I have seen with
my own eyes that this is not true."

As the Pope drove off, President Bush asked Dick
"Who was that?"
"It was the Pope," Dick replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has
all of God's wisdom."
"Well," President Bush said, "he may have access to God's wisdom, but he doesn't know squat  about shark fishing........how's the bait holding up?"

Warning Labels
 

Due to increasing product liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
 
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what in the world happened to your bra and panties.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your butt kicked.

WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcahol may mack you tihnk you can tipe real gode.



Email: dernc@sover.net


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