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NEWS

MINNEAPOLIS (AP)- Florida's got the South Beach diet. Now Minnesota's got the "Northwoods Diet." That's what University of Minnesota professor David Bernlohr came up with as the solution when he noticed his waistline expanding. After all, he's an obesity researcher.
Bernlohr said he'd fallen into the traditional American habits of skipping breakfast, eating too much and eating too late at night.
So he put himself on his own diet — what he jokingly dubbed the "Northwoods Diet," poking fun at the fad diet industry and the popular South Beach diet.
"I said if the beautiful people in South Florida can have South Beach, the hardworking people of Minnesota can have Northwoods," the professor said.
His eating plan: Three meals a day with smaller portions and no food after 7:30 p.m. He starts with a carbohydrate-heavy breakfast such as cold cereal or oatmeal. He said the carbs stimulate production of insulin, a hormone that helps cells convert blood sugar to energy.
Lunch is a transitional meal with both carbs and protein, often pizza. Dinner is heavier on protein, including meat, vegetables and salads.
His rule against eating later in the evening adds to the time the body is naturally fasting — when he's sleeping. As for exercise, he said, he didn't change his normal pattern. He's always walked a lot.
The approach "is just common sense to people who study nutrition or metabolism," said Bernlohr, who heads the university's department of biochemistry, molecular biology and biophysics and leads a research team at the Minnesota Obesity Center.
Bernlohr said he's lost 40 pounds over the last year and he looks trim. But he declines to disclose his weight, and says he's a little chagrined that his diet has attracted media attention.
"This is not a scientific study. It's simply a catchy name," he said, adding that the principles he's following aren't new.
It may not be new information, but people apparently aren't paying attention to what already is known about good diet habits.
The federal government estimates about 65 percent of the adults in the United States — nearly 119 million people — are overweight or obese, which can lead to major health problems.
The key to losing weight and staying trim? "Don't put as much on your plate. Park as far away from the mall as you can, not as close as you can. Walk more. Exercise more," Bernlohr said.
And don't expect quick results.
Allen Levine, director of the obesity center and head of the university's department of food science and nutrition, uses the analogy of the automobile to make that point. It takes minutes to fill the tank with gas, but hours to burn off the fuel.
People have to balance the calories eaten with calories burned, he said. And people have to police themselves.
"You can't have sex at your desk and you can't drink booze at your desk and you can't inject drugs at your desk, but you can eat a doughnut. Nobody's going to stop you," he said.

RECIPE

POSSUM ON AN OAK PLANK

Take a normal sized possum that's bought the farm
Put him on a hook and hang him in the barn
Let the smell of the cow dung rise up through
Let him cure that way for a month or two
Go to the woods and cut a green oak board
Then head for the barn where the possum was stored
By now the aroma will be truly awesome
Hold down the plank and nail on the possum
No sense in fighting or pushing and shoving
Just wash up your hands and preheat the oven
Cook in the oven till medium rare
Leave on the tail and all of the hair
For this fine supper you've got me to thank
Scrape off the possum and eat the plank

From Gourmet style Road Kill Cooking by Jeff Eberbaugh

NEWS FLASH
THE YEAR 2029

* Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California.
* Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
* Baby conceived naturally . . . scientists stumped.
* Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
* Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
* Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
* France pleads for global help after being over taken by Jamaica.
* Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
* George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
* Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
* 85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise are the keys to weight loss.
* Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
* Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
* Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
* Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
* Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
* New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
* Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
* IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
* Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a voting machine.

2029

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