JANUARY 1, 2002

NEWS

Eating Healthy Vegetables

Are you tired of broccoli, green beans, collard greens, spinach, etc.? There is an alternative to get your recommended daily servings of healthy vegetables. EAT CHOCOLATE!!! YES! Chocolate is a vegetable. Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans. BEANS = Vegetable. Sugar is derived from either CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants which place them in the vegetable category. Therefore, chocolate is a vegetable.
Additionally, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are health food. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices, and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat all you want.
Diet tip: Eat chocolate before every meal to decrease your appetite so you'll eat less during the meal. Chocolate has many preservatives and therefore will make you look younger.
Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your daily Things to Do List. That will insure that you accomplish at least one chore.
Also, as a matter of convenience, a box of chocolate can provide you with all the daily calories you require.

BEWARE!!! of Pills, Potions and Powders

Anti-aging compounds with dubious claims proliferate. "Companies are allowed to promote products that are not shown to be safe and effective for any use. Consumers are essentially on their own," says Larry Sasich, a research associate at Public Citizen Health Research Group, a consumer research organization in Washington.
"We don't even know who's making [some of] this stuff and selling it in the US," he says , since manufacturers no longer have to register with the government. "This leaves the American public essentially unprotected from dangerous dietary supplement products."

Should DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE be Banned?

The Beartown News Editor would like your opinion on this important issue. The reasons for banning DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE are listed below.
1. Can cause excessive sweating and vomiting.
2. It is a major component in acid rain.
3. It can cause severe burns in its gaseous state.
4. Accidental inhalation can kill you.
5. It contributes to erosion.
6. It decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes.
7. It has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients.
8. It has overrun the majority of the earth.
DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE is more commonly known as water.

The Smokey Bear Balloon

Amanda DeBear of Beartown is one of the lucky passengers aboard the balloon as it passes the halfway point in its trip around the world. It is currently over Australia.

Did somebody say Beartown?