Bear News Beartown News

JANUARY 1, 2001


Bruin DeBear snapped the picture above of the Mrs. and their two cubs on a recent trip to Florida. They visited Disney World and the new Museum of Chads.

Chicken Scam

A local Beartowntonian, who choses to remain anonymous along with the store, reports an illegal incident when she recently was buying chicken just prior to closing time.
"Thank Heavens I've made it in time! Do you have any chicken?" The butcher opens his cooler and takes out his only chicken, and plops it onto the scale. It weighs 2 3/4 pounds.
"Have you anything bigger?" inquires the woman.
The butcher returns the chicken to the cooler, takes it out again, and plops it on the scale, only this time, he keeps his thumb on the chicken. The scale reads 3 1/2 pounds.
"Wonderful" says the woman.
"I'll take both of them please."

IF YOU DON'T GET BOTH CHICKENS, CALL your State Weights & Measures Official.

Did somebody say Beartown?


A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
Thursday night is Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement on Saturdays.


A tragedy was narrowly averted on the last Saturday of the year. Sixteen year old Lisa Lipazaner, decided to go horseback riding for the first time.
She mounts the horse, unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but Lisa begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She throws her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the animal anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, Lisa attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground, again and again.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, a clerk from the Beartown Department Store, sees her, runs out and unplugs the horse.

A winter evening on Hayride Hill above Beartown Village.


Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
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