Bear News Beartown News

MAY 1, 2007

MYSTERY

Why, Why, Why
do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

The Editor has decided there are no answers to these questions! 

DO NOT
SEE NEXT MONTH'S BEARTOWN NEWS FOR THE ANSWERS


FROM LAST MONTH

Do they have a fourth of July in England? YES, every July has a fourth day.
How many birthdays does the average man have? ONE, on the same day every year.
Some months have 31 days; how many have 28? All months have at least 28 days.
How many outs are there in an inning? SIX, 3 in the top half and 3 in the bottom half.
Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister? If a man has left a widow, he is dead.
Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10.  What is the answer?
70.  30/.5=60+10=70
If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have? 2 You took 2.
A doctor gives you 3 pills telling you to take 1 every half hour.  How many minutes would the pills last? 60 There is 30 minutes between each pill.
A farmer has 17 sheep and all but 9 die.  How many are left? 9 Only 9 didn't die.
How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark? Moses didn't have an ark, Noah had the ark.
How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen? 12 Twelve of anything is a dozen.


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