Bear News

Beartown News

SEPTEMBER 1, 2006

LETTERS

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

 
DR. PHIL:

The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must
first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before it goes
after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need to do is
help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT"
problems before adding "NEW" problems.
~~~

OPRAH:

Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he
wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn
from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to
give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and
not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
~~~

GEORGE W. BUSH:

We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either
against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
~~~

COLIN POWELL:

Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image
of the chicken crossing the road...
~~~

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:

We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been
allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
~~~ 

PAT BUCHANAN:

To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
~~~

MARTHA STEWART:

No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
  information.
~~~

DR SEUSS:

Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed I've not been told.
~~~

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:

To die in the rain. Alone.
~~~

BARBARA WALTERS:

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its
life long dream of crossing the road.
~~~

JOHN LENNON:

Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
~~~

ARISTOTLE:

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
~~~

BILL GATES:

I have just released eChicken2005, which will not only cross roads, but
will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check
book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new
platform is much more stable and will never crash or reboot. 
~~~

ALBERT EINSTEIN:

Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the
chicken?
~~~

COLONEL SANDERS:

Did I miss one?


Email: dernc@sover.net


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