SEPTEMBER 1, 2001

CHAIN LETTER

Dear Editor,

This chain letter started in Reno in the hope of bringing relief and happiness to tired newspapermen. Unlike most chain letters, this does not cost any money. Simply send a copy to five equally tired male friends, then bundle up your wife and send her to the man at the top of the list.
When YOUR name comes to the top of the list, you will receive 16,178 women. Have faith! Do not break the chain! One man broke it, and he got his own wife back.

Sincerely,
Very Tired Newspaperman

WINDOWS 98 ALERT
WEST VIRGINIA EDITION MICROSOFT

Dear Consumers,

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS 98, WEST VIRGINIA EDITION may have accidently been shipped outside of WEST VIRGINIA. If you have one of these, you may need some help understanding the commands. The West Virginia edition may be recognized by the unique opening screen. It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of General Robert E. Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Dukes of Hazard screen saver.
Also note:
The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse"
My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption"
Dial up Networking is called "Good Ol' Boys"
Control Panel is known as the "Dashboard"
Hard Drive is referred to as "4 Wheel Drive"
Floppies are "them little ol plastic disc thangs"
Instead of an error message a "garbage bag and roll of duck tape" pops up.
CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN WEST VIRGINIA EDITION;

Also note that WEST VIRGINIA EDITION does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks. Some programs that are exclusive to Winders 98:

You'll recognize WINDERS 98 WEST VIRGINIA EDITION as it comes pre-loaded with certain "Favorites" for browsing the Worldwide Web.
Fishin': Bass Anglers Sportsman Society
NRA: National Rifle Association
Shotgun: Remington Arms home page
Riffel: Winchester home page
Pisstul: Smith & Wesson home page
Truck: Ford & Chevy dealers in WEST VIRGINIA by zip code
Cuzzins: Complete database of WEST VIRGINIA residents (extremely long loading)
Bud: List of Budweiser distributors by zip code
Rasin: NASCAR racing schedule with TV stations that carry the race
Doc: Veterinarians by zip code
coon dog: American kennel club records

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the WEST VIRGINIA EDITION. You may return it to Microsft for a replacement version.
I hope this helps all y'all!!!

Billy Bob Gates
Head Honcho

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