A MAN'S TRIP to
You are in the
middle of some kind of project around the house. Mowing the lawn,
putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You
are hot and sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint. You have your old
work clothes on. You know the outfit, shorts with the hole in
crotch, old t-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old
pair of tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this great home
improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get
something to help complete the job.
Depending on your age you might do the following.
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair,
brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself
in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because
you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing
in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl
running the register.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change
shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash
your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still
got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell.
The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone
you went to school with.
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough
to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different
shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is
almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to
Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than
flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your
daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a hat, wipe the dirt off your
hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get
dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you
swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look
fat. The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you
coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat
you have on is from your buddy's bait shop and it says,
"I Got Worms".
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose off the
dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in
your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the
hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute but
you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have
your prescriptions ready too. Don't' even notice the dog crap on
your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because
you remind her of her grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you
remember that you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and
wonder around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart
out loud and you think someone called out your name. The old lady
that greeted you at the front door went to school with you.
In your 90's:
Stop what you are doing.
This "STUDY" was prepared by the BEARTOWN
SENIOR CITIZENS ASSOC.
Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All
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