WASHINGTON, DC - Congress
is considering sweeping legislation, which provides new
benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities
Act (AWNAA) is
being hailed as a major legislation by advocates of the
millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do
not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a
meaningful role for themselves in society," said
Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer
stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and
passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer
be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers,
simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of what
they are doing."
The President pointed to the success of the US Postal Service,
which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity
without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of
postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the
single largest US employer of Persons of Inability.
Private sector industries with good records of
nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales
(72%), the airline industry (68%),and home improvement
"warehouse" stores (65%) The DMV also has a great record of
hiring Persons of Inability. (63%) Under the Americans With No
Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions
will be created, with important-sounding titles but little
real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of
purpose and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be
given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most
unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial
tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level
of Persons of Inability in middle positions, and gives a tax
credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one
clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the AWNA ACT contains tough new measures to make it
more difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled, banning
discriminatory interview questions such as
"Do you have any goals for the
future?" or "Do you have
any skills or experience which relate to this job?"
"As a Nonabled person, I can't be
expected to keep up with people who have something going for
them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her
position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due
to her lack of notable job skills.
"This new law should really help people like me."
With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other
untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of the
tunnel.
Said Senator Ted Kennedy, "It is our
duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen,
regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to
take up in this great nation."
Beartown
Chamber
of Commerce
