Bear News

Beartown News

JULY 1, 2004

LETTERS

MY SUMMER VACATION

DEAR EDITOR,
 
We always used to spend the summer holiday with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big, brick house, but Grandpa got retarded so they moved to California and live in Palm Springs with a lot of other retarded people. They live in a condo-minimum and have rocks painted green to look like grass.
They ride around on big tricycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore.
They go to a building called a
wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all right now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim.
At their gate there is a tollhouse with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape.
Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts. My grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night: Early Birds.
Some of the people can't get past the man in the tollhouse to go out, so the ones who get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot luck.
My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his
retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded one day, too. When I earn my retardment I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren.

AMY  Age 7

DEAR  MOM

A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter over the bed.  With the worst premonition, she reads it, with trembling hands:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend. I found real passion and he is so nice, with all his piercings and tattoos and his big motorcycle. But is not only that mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods.  He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams. I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends, who are providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasies we may want.
In the meantime, we'll pray for the science to find the AIDS cure, for Ahmed to get better, he deserves it.
Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Some day I'll visit for you to know your grandchildren.

Your daughter,
Bonnie

PS: Mom, it's not true. I'm at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than the school's report card that's in my desk's drawer...I love you!


Email: dernc@sover.net


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