Bear News

Beartown News

JULY 1, 2003

LETTERS

DON'T BE BAMBOOZELED
FROM IMA GOURMET

MARTHA STEWART

If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up."


Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.


Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

 If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

REAL WOMEN

If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and don't care how bad it tastes."

 Take a lime, mix it with tequila, etc., chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares?


Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.

Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.


Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.


The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I just don't do it.


Go ask the very cute neighbor to do it.


 Leftover wine??????

 

 

 DEAR BEARTOWN RESIDENTS

For those few of you who have not yet entered the computer age, I share with you how simple the contraption really is:

Costello: Hey, Abbott!
Abbot: Yes, Lou?
Costello: I just got my first computer.
Abbot: That's great Lou. What did you get?
Costello: A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2.1 Gig hard drive, and a 24X CD-ROM.
Abbot: That's terrific, Lou
Costello: But I don't know what any of it means!!
Abbot: You will in time.
Costello: That's exactly why I am here to see you.
Abbot: Oh?
Costello: I heard that you are a real computer expert.
Abbot: Well, I don't know-
Costello: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train me.
Abbot: Really?
Costello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.
Abbot: O.K. Lou. What do want to know?
Costello: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off.
Abbot: That's true.
Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do?
Abbot: Well, first you press the Start button, and then-
Costello: No, I told you, I want to turn it off.
Abbot: I know, you press the Start button-
Costello: Wait a second. I want to turn it off. Off. I know how to start it. So tell me what to do.
Abbot: I did.
Costello: When?
Abbot: When I told you to press the Start button.
Costello: Why should I press the Start button?
Abbot: To shut off the computer.
Costello: I press Start to stop.
Abbot: Well Start doesn't actually stop the computer.
Costello: I knew it! So what do I press.
Abbot: Start
Costello: Start what?
Abbot: Start button.
Costello: Start button to do what?
Abbot: Shut down.
Costello: You don't have to get rude!
Abbot: No, no, no! That's not what I meant.
Costello: Then say what you mean.
Abbot: To shut down the computer, press-
Costello: Don't say, "Start!"
Abbot: Then what do you want me to say?
Costello: Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to press the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist button, but no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop.
Abbot: But that's what you do.
Costello: And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights.
Abbot: Don't be ridiculous.
Costello: I am being ridiculous? Well. I think it's about time we started this conversion.
Abbot: What are you talking about?
Costello: I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye!

 A PUBLIC SERVICE MESSAGE from MEG O. RAM Inc.


 


Email: dernc@sover.net


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