Our store is considering banning your family from ever
shopping with us unless your husband stops his antics. Below
is a list of offenses over the past few months all verified by
our surveillance cameras.
Re: Mr. Bill Fenton -
Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his
spouse is shopping:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes
condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they
2. July 2: Set all the
alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of chocolate syrup on the floor
leading to the rest rooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an
employee and told her in an official tone,
in housewares..... and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the
Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. September 14: Moved a
sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a
tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd
invite them in if they'll bring pillows and blankets
from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a
clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks â€śWhy
can't you people just leave me alone?â€ť
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it
as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While
handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he
knows what aisle the antidepressants are located in.
11. December 3: Darted
around the store suspiciously loudly humming the
12. December 6: In the auto
department, practiced his
using different size
13. December 18: Hid in a
clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled
ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an
announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal
position and screams
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
15. December 23: Went into
a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then,
yelled, very loudly,
"There is no toilet paper in here!"
Consider this your one and only warning!
Beartown Department Store