to the IRS
Internal Revenue Service
Central Processing Center
is my tax return and payment. Please take note of the
attached article from the February 8, 2001 USA Today
newspaper which serves as my Year 2000 Tax Guide.
article, you will see that the Pentagon pays $171.50 for
hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.
find enclosed four
toilet seats (value
$2400) and six
hammers (value $1029).
This brings my total payment to $3429.00. Please note the
overpayment of $22.00 and apply it to the "Presidential
Election Fund," as noted on my return. Might I
suggest you send the above mentioned fund a 1.5 inch screw. (See attached article... HUD
paid $22.00 for a 1.5 inch Phillips head screw.)
been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look
forward to paying it again next year.
HINTS on HOW to MESS with the IRS
Contributed by: B.
staples in the right hand corner. Go ahead and put a row
down the entire right side. The extractors who remove the
mail have to take out any staples in the right side.
paperwork in the right order, or even facing the right
way. Put a few upside down and backwards. That way they
have to remove all your staples, rearrange your paperwork,
and restaple it (on the left side).
Line the bottom of
your envelope with glue when you put in your forms, so
that the automated opener doesn't open it and the
extractor has to open it by hand.
If you're very
unfortunate and have to pay taxes use a two or three
On top of paying
with a three party check, pay one of the dollars you owe
in cash. When an extractor receives cash, no matter how
small an amount, he has to take it to a special desk and
fill out a few nasty forms
Write a letter of
appreciation. Any letter received has to be read and
stamped regardless of what it is or what its on.
Write your letter
on something misshapen and unconventional. A piece of
plastic grocery bag or a piece of metal with prickpunched
letters are good choices.
If you send 2
checks they'll have to staple your unsightly envelope to
your half destroyed form.
Always put extra
paper clips on your forms. Any foreign fasteners or the
like have to be removed and put away.
Sign your name in
ink on every page. All signatures have to be verified and
then date stamped.
When you mail it,
mail it in a big envelope (even if its just a single EZ
form). Big envelopes have to be torn and sorted
differently than regular business size ones. An added
bonus to the big envelope is that they take priority over
other mail, so the workers can hurry up and deal with
These are just a few of the fun and exciting things you
can do with the IRS. These methods are only recommended
when you owe money.