Being The Mayor
Of Beartown Isn't All I Thought It Would Be!!!
When I found out that I had been
unanimously elected mayor of Beartown, I thought I'd won a front-row
seat to the gook-off parade. I imagined days filled with
ribbon-cutting ceremonies and nights of gala balls. A year later, I
wonder if I could've been any more na´ve. Sure, I was ignorant of the
duties involved in running a municipality, but I really thought being
the mayor of Beartown would be easier.
I believe it was after I attended my third meeting about putting a
yield sign on the corner of Beech Boulevard and River Street that I
said, "Note to self: City government isn't all laughs and giggles."
Since then, I've come to learn that being a public servant is both an
honor and a curse. It's not as easy as being King Of Everyone. I have
a lot of people's welfare to consider. After all, it's not like I'm
not the "star" of The Bruin DeBear Show.
I've learned that being a good mayor
requires leaving my feelings at the Welcome To Beartown sign. It would
be a different story if Beartown were "population: me." Far from it. I
am Beartown's mayor, and it is my duty as such to look out for
everyone-from the young professionals of Snob Hill to the
disenfranchised, working-class folks living on Poor Schmuck Lane.
Granted, my job would be easier if I weren't living in the shadow of
former mayor Mr. Hot Shot. Now retired, Mr. Hot Shot single-handedly
took this small, unincorporated cow-farming community and turned it
into what it is today. While many thought Mr. Hot Shot would ride his
fame and reputation into a bid for governor of the neighboring state
of Jerkachusetts, he chose not to challenge Gov. Heywood Jablowmi. My
next-door neighbor, Dr. Genius over there, tells me not to think so
much about Mr. Hot Shot's accomplishments, but it's hard. I can't even
get a glass of Cheap Bear Ale at Skinky's Tavern without someone
chewing my ear off about how the old mayor's shit smells like roses.
While experience has certainly tempered
my enthusiasm, I'm still confident that I can make Beartown a better
place. I love this town. Aside from the four years I spent getting a
degree in wankology at Loser University
(Go Loser U Wolverines!), I've lived in
Beartown my whole life. I know everything there is to know about this
town, from the best place to eat (Chez Le Expensive) to the best way
to view the Beartown skyline (through
your car's rearview mirror). There's so
much to do here-from shopping at the Scam-a-lot Shopping Center to
lounging on the sandy shores of Cruddy Lake-that I couldn't hate it if
The people of Beartown have a lot to be proud of. After all, the Clue
Phone was invented right here in our humble little burg. I guess I
have to admit that, deep down, I love this job, and there's no way I'd
trade it for a one-way ticket to Happyville.
Sometimes I have to just let myself go!!!