Bear News

Beartown News

MAY 1, 2003

LETTERS

They call my President a "Cowboy"

 
 DEAR BEARTOWN RESIDENTS

 It used to tick me off when the Muslim detractors in the Middle East, or the socialist detractors in Europe, Hollywood and others called our President a cowboy; but the more I think about it, the more glad I am that he is.
 When I was a kid, cowboys were my heroes. There was Tom Mix, Buck Jones, Johnny Mack Brown, Hopalong Cassidy, Red Ryder, Gene Autry, Roy Rogers, then later Marshall Matt Dillon, and others. Personally, I think Hoppy could beat 'em all up. He was my favorite.
 What were common attributes of these legendary cowboys? Here are a few:
  
1. They were never looking for trouble.
  
2. But when it came, they faced it with courage.
  
3. They were always on the side of right.
  
4. They defended good people against bad people.
  
5. They had high morals.
  
6. They had good manners.
  
7. They were honest.
  
8. They spoke their minds and they spoke the truth, regardless of what people thought or "political correctness," which no one had ever heard of back then.
  
9. They were a beacon of integrity in the wild West.
 
10. They were respected. When they walked into a saloon (where they usually drank only sarsaparilla), the place became quiet, and the bad guys kept their distance.
 
11. If in a gunfight, they could outdraw anyone. If in a fist fight, they could beat up anyone.
 
12. They always won. They always got their man. In victory, they rode off into the sunset.
 Those were the days when there was such a thing as right and wrong, something blurred in our modern world, and denied by many. Those were the days when women were respected and treated as ladies, because they acted like ladies. Now as a senior citizen, I still like cowboys. They represent something good, something pure that America has been missing. Ronald Reagan was a cowboy. I like Ronald Reagan, who was brave, positive, and who gave us hope. He wore a white hat. To the consternation of his liberal critics, he had the courage to call a spade a spade and call the former Soviet Union what it was -- the evil empire. Liberals hated Ronald Reagan.
 They also hate President Bush because he distinguishes between good and evil. He calls a spade a spade; and after 9-11 called evil "evil," without mincing any words, to the shock of the liberal establishment. That's what cowboys do, you know. He also told the French to "put their cards on the table" (old West talk), which they did, exposing their cowardice and greed..
 The Iraqi government is wrong. In the old West, might did not make right. Right made right. Cowboys in white hats were always on the side of right, and that was their might.
 I am glad my President is a cowboy. He will get his man. Cowboys do, you know.

Patriotically,
Constance Brown


Dear Saddam Hussein & sons; Remaining Taliban & Osama bin Laden;
 
We are pleased to announce that we unequivocally accept your challenge to an old-fashioned game of whoop-ass baseball. Now that we understand the rule that there are no rules, we look forward to playing without them for the first time.
Since this game is winner-take-all, we unfortunately are unable to invite you to join us at the victory celebration. But rest assured that we will toast you ------- LITERALLY. While we will admit that you are off to an impressive lead, it is however now our turn at the plate. By the way, we will be playing on your diamond now... Batter up!
Our team line up is as follows:
Club Owner ~ God
Manager ~ George W. Bush
Ass't Manager ~ Dick Cheney
Head Coach ~ Colin Powell
Assistant Coach ~ Donald Rumsfeld
Starting Pitcher ~ Tommy Franks
1st Base ~ U. S. Marine Corps
2nd Base ~ U. S. Navy
3rd Base ~ U.S. Air Force
Shortstop and clean up hitter ~ U. S. Army
Outfield ~ Firemen and Policemen
Umpire ~ None Required - remember - the manager gave you ample time to forfeit the game. Now it's too late for discussion. He told you there'll be no further negotiations or diplomacy!
Pinch hitters as needed:
U.S. Navy SEALS
U.S. Army Green Berets
U.S. Army Rangers
U.S. Air Force PJs
Delta Force
And, since there are no rules, we've decided to add:
4th Base ~ United Kingdom and
5th Base ~ Spain
Opening Ceremonies:
Vocal 1: The Star Spangled Banner. Ya'll stand, face the American flag and place your right hand over your heart and sing.
Vocal 2: Lee Greenwood ~ God Bless The U.S.A.
Vocal 3: Neil Diamond ~ Comin' To America
Vocal 4: Bruce Springstein ~ Born In The U.S.A.
Vocal 5: The Mormon Tabernacle Choir ~ Battle Hymn of the Republic
You may choose whoever you want for your team,
France I know has been coaching you and Germany, Russia and China will at least be cheering for you. You can even get the Dixie Chicks to sing your national anthem. You might even find some human shields in Hollywood. There are many EX-movie stars who seem to really love you. I'm sure they would like to play on your team and we'll be glad to let you have them.

Sincerely on behalf of:...
 Most of the two hundred seventy million Citizens of the United States of America and in quiet hushes and silent agreement a lot of the FREE world too!.


 


Email: dernc@sover.net


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