MAY 1, 2003
They call my President a "Cowboy"
Dear Saddam Hussein & sons; Remaining Taliban & Osama bin Laden;
We are pleased to announce that we unequivocally accept your challenge to an old-fashioned game of whoop-ass baseball. Now that we understand the rule that there are no rules, we look forward to playing without them for the first time.
Since this game is winner-take-all, we unfortunately are unable to invite you to join us at the victory celebration. But rest assured that we will toast you ------- LITERALLY. While we will admit that you are off to an impressive lead, it is however now our turn at the plate. By the way, we will be playing on your diamond now... Batter up!
Our team line up is as follows:
Club Owner ~ God
Manager ~ George W. Bush
Ass't Manager ~ Dick Cheney
Head Coach ~ Colin Powell
Assistant Coach ~ Donald Rumsfeld
Starting Pitcher ~ Tommy Franks
1st Base ~ U. S. Marine Corps
2nd Base ~ U. S. Navy
3rd Base ~ U.S. Air Force
Shortstop and clean up hitter ~ U. S. Army
Outfield ~ Firemen and Policemen
Umpire ~ None Required - remember - the manager gave you ample time to forfeit the game. Now it's too late for discussion. He told you there'll be no further negotiations or diplomacy!
Pinch hitters as needed:
U.S. Navy SEALS
U.S. Army Green Berets
U.S. Army Rangers
U.S. Air Force PJs
And, since there are no rules, we've decided to add:
4th Base ~ United Kingdom and
5th Base ~ Spain
Vocal 1: The Star Spangled Banner. Ya'll stand, face the American flag and place your right hand over your heart and sing.
Vocal 2: Lee Greenwood ~ God Bless The U.S.A.
Vocal 3: Neil Diamond ~ Comin' To America
Vocal 4: Bruce Springstein ~ Born In The U.S.A.
Vocal 5: The Mormon Tabernacle Choir ~ Battle Hymn of the Republic
You may choose whoever you want for your team, France I know has been coaching you and Germany, Russia and China will at least be cheering for you. You can even get the Dixie Chicks to sing your national anthem. You might even find some human shields in Hollywood. There are many EX-movie stars who seem to really love you. I'm sure they would like to play on your team and we'll be glad to let you have them.
Sincerely on behalf of:...
Most of the two hundred seventy million Citizens of the United States of America and in quiet hushes and silent agreement a lot of the FREE world too!.
Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
This site hosted by VTweb.com