I travel around the world and communicate with many people through
my business, I am often amazed at how naive some well educated,
important people can be. I wish to share some examples with
I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an
aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the
I got a call from a Candidate's Staffer, who
wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the
flight and the passport information then she interrupted me with,
"I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in
Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one,
I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in
Africa." Her response ... (click).
A Senior Vermont Congressman called, furious
about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the
vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I
tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the!
middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the
map, and Florida is a very thin state!!!"
I got a call from a Lawmakers Wife who asked,
"Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." She said,
"But they look so close on the map."
An Aide for a Bush cabinet member once called
and asked if they could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the
reservation, I noticed they had only a 1-hour lay-over in Dallas.
When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard
Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between
the gates to save time." An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how
it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got
into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour
Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones.
Finally, I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!
A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do
airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know
who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She
replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag
on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight, I think that is
very rude?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked
into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the
city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT), and that the airline was just
putting a destination tag on her luggage.
A Senator's Aide called in inquiring about a
trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she
asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the
train to Hawaii?"
I just got off the phone with a freshman
Congressman who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I
asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my
flight! number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on
A Lady Senator called and said, "I need to fly
to Pepsi-Cola, FL. Do I have to get on one of those little computer
planes?" I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter
plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever!!"
A Senior Senator called and had a question
about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a
lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa.
"Oh no I don't, I've been to China many
times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure
enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said,
"Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have
accepted my American Express!"
A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations, "I want to
go from Chicago to Rhino, New York" The agent was at a loss for
words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the
town?" ! "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the lady. After
some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've
looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino
anywhere." The lady retorted, "Oh don't be silly! Everyone knows
where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state
of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?"
"That's it! I knew it was a big animal", she admitted!!!
Should we be worried about the state of the
BEARTOWN TRAVEL AGENCY
BEARTOWN ENGINEERING EXAM
Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a oak tree that will support
a 10-pound coon.
2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when
placed on blocks in your front yard? 66 Ford
Fairlane, 69 Chevrolet Chevelle, 64 Pontiac GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still that operates
at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car
radiators are necessary to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a chain saw that operates
at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested
is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree
diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will it take to cut the
5. If every old refrigerator in the state
vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease
in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on
24-inch centers with a field stone foundation. The span is 8 feet and
the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn
pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a Beartown house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow
with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of
the children place a mobile home on the man's land?
8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding
900 yards down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The
brakes fail. Given the average traffic on secondary roads, what are
the chances that it will strike a vehicle that has a muffler?
9. A marble quarry operates a NFPA Class 1,
Division 2 Hazardous Area. The quarry employs 120 miners per shift.
A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many
cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?
10. At a reduction in gene pool variability
rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town that has
been bypassed by the interstate to breed a country-western singer?
OF PROFESSIONAL REGISTRATION