DEAR BEARTOWN RESIDENTS,
THE WORLD GETS
When I was a kid adults used
to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard
things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five
miles to school every morning uphill both ways through year 'round
blizzards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to their
one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A average
despite their full-time after-school job at the local textile mill
where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their
family from starving to death!
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way
I was going to tell my kids about how hard I had it and how easy
they've got it!
But.... Now that I've reached the ripe old
age of twenty-nine, I
can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got
it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a Utopia!
And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good
you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The
Internet-we wanted to know something, we had to go to the
library and look it up ourselves! And there was no email! We
had to actually write somebody a letter-with a pen!-- and then you
had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox
and it would take like a week to get there! And there were no
MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the
record store and shoplift it yourself! Or we had to wait around all
day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the
begining and mess it all up! You want to hear about hardship? You
couldn't just download porn!
You had to bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" !
Those were your options!
We didn't have fancy stuff like Call Waiting! If you were on the
phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal! And we didn't
have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the the phone rang,
you had no idea who it was. It could be your boss, your mom, a
collections agent, your drug dealer, you didn't know!!! You just had
to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
And we didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation videogames with
high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With
games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics were
lousy! Your guy was a little square! You had to use your
imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was
just one screen forever! And you could never win, the game
just kept getting harder and faster until you died!
Just like LIFE!
When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium
seating! All the seats were the same height! A tall guy sat in
front of you, you were out of luck!
And sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like
20 channels and there was no onscreen menu! You had to use a little
book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! And there was no
Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning...
...D'ya hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK, you spoiled
little brats! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids
today have got it too easy You're spoiled,
I swear to God! You guys wouldn't last five minutes back in 1989!
FROM BEARTOWN TEACHERS to PARENTS
"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at
I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home."
read an article that said the way to achieve inner peace is to
finish things you've started. It is definitely
working for me. I am now making a
point of always finishing what I start,
and I think I am well on my way toward finding inner peace.
care for you, I am passing this wisdom on to you.
finished two bags of potato chips, a
strawberry cheesecake, a package of Oreo's, a bottle of wine
and a small box of chocolates. I feel better already.
Pass this along to everyone you know who
needs Inner Peace!